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Dads With Swag

Episode · 4 years ago

Cover up is always worse than the crime

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Are you a lie till you die type dude? Sean takes you down a path of truth even if it hurts at first. forhims.com/swagED and get started for just $5 while supplies last   pff.org hellofresh.com/swag30

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. You're listening to dads with Swag, where your coach Shawn has the tools to help you navigate some of life's ups and downs. Let's do it. Whether you're trying to balance work in life, going through a difficult time in marriage or trying to manifest that perfect mate, Shawn can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Loving husband and dadded two amazing girls. Your coach Shaun can help you Trin your dreams into goals and make them a reality. No more faking change. Is kind of start making change with the swaggy's Ye out of them all, your coach seawn. Today we're talking about lies the seat. The cover ups worse than the crime. There the reason I decided to go with this topic this week was because it is whole Ryan lockty thing, this whole Olympics. You know we do in the Olympics. Everybody's like Yay country, Yay country, and then this knucklehead comes out and starts talking about getting robbed and something that was really small, like a really teeny tiny thing. Right, Oh man, I pete in public. First of all, there's probably no guy that I know that hasn't peeding public peed in a water bottle, Pete on the side of the road, like pede somewhere they weren't supposed to. It's the benefits of like having a penis. You can go when you want, where you want. Everybody would have been cool with that. Like a man, we beat in public, we got busted, we had to pay a fine, right, and it's funny because a lot of times we go to these foreign countries, right and we're like man, you know, the cops shook us down for a hundred bucks. You know, I remember one time I was in Mexico and I was speeding, man. Well, and I mean I was speeding. I was going like ten times this speed limit, right, and the dudes like that'll be sixty dollars. I'm like, okay, if I was in the United States, I would have got a ticket. They might have told my car because I was going so fast, but I definitely would have got a ticket and with that ticket I would have had to a probably appear in court or at least, you know, sending a check for a couple hundred bucks. Even if you get a photo radar ticket out here in Arizona we got this photo radar. I live in Paradise Valley Man and they got photo radar, like everywhere. They hide that shit inside cactus. I'm like, it's bananas. You get a photo radar ticket. Boom, hundred fifty bucks right there. Right. So I'm only out sixty dollars. I pay the dude right then and there. Done. Doesn't go on your driving record, does nothing happens. You just pay the fine and you're done, rather and having to wait for the ticket to coming to mail or having to pay the ticket, send a stamp, rite a check and do all that other work and if you forget to do that, then they suspend your license. Then you driving on a suspended license next time you get pulled over. It's crazy. So people don't understand. It's like, no matter what country you in, there's consequences to your actions. Right, if they were copying in public in the US, they would have got a ticket, maybe taken to jail for being drunken public. Right. So here in a foreign country, they letting them off easy. They're like look, just pay us now and you can go home. So instead of just accepting that right and taking the responsibility for doing what they doing now. Now it's the lies. Right, Call Your Mama, start crying to your Mama. Mama, I got held up. We going point had to pay fifty dollars. Like. What do you think your mom's going to do, man? Your Mom's going to scream from the mountain tops about her baby is in an unsafe country. You know, I know I would do that if if one of my kids called me up and said, Daddy, something happened to me at school, you know damn straight I would tell everybody about what went down at my kids school. And then, if it turns out my kid was lying, see, that's where it comes in. So then what happens now with kids, little kids? They definitely going to die with the lie. You know, they gonna they're going to keep going. Nope, nope, nope, nope. You know, this is the way it was. But as a grown ass man, you think there would come a point where he would just fold. He'd fold, throw the cards in the table. Spades up. Man. You know, it didn't really I was really drunk. It might not have went down that way. Now that I think about it and I'm sober, it might not have went exactly that way. You know, me and my boys might have been exaggerating a little bit. You know, I was alcohol talking. I had some alcohol chops...

...on, you know, like the Internet chops. People just be you know, Talking Shit on the Internet and then like Whoa, I didn't really mean to do that. Got Carried away. We understand. Right, people were very forgiving when people just own up, that's up to it, right. But he doubled down. He's like Nah, many put a gun to my head, but I'm too cool. I wasn't getting down on the ground. You know, goes you got to shoot me, like, what are you talking about? It's in, you know, and it kind of it doubles back. It doubles back to like people interacting with law enforcement. Right. It's the same thing like if the cops pull you over or say hey, stop police, you got one option, one thing to do. Stop. If a cops says I want to ask you some questions, you answer the questions right. You don't Talk Shit. It's the same thing like a school principle. If the school principle says, Hey, I want to ask you some questions. Anybody that's in authority just do it. Deal with the deal with the repercussions later. If you think your silvil rights were violated, then hiring an attorney and get after it later, but at that moment just save your ass, because your ass is a lot more important than your reputation. Then your ego. Right, you can get over all that other stuff, you can't get over a bullet. So do you mean to tell me that this little pretty boy is standing up to some Brazilian gangster saying go ahead and shoot me in the head? Hell No, because the Brazilian gangster is going to go damn. This dude was an Olympic athlete and the whole world's watching them and if I let him get out of here he's going to tell everybody in the world that I put a gun on them. If this do is a true gangster, he would have just shot him because the dead man tell no tales, right, so dude should have just folded his chips, right. But there's all there's moments in everybody's life where we've done the same thing, where we've told a little white lie, you know, and then that little white lie turns into a bigger lie and a bigger lie. My mom used to say she's to have this saying she tell me my baby brother. She'd be like, Oh man, what was it? Okay, the tangled webs we weave, how we practice to deceive, and it's kind of the same thing. Like you start out with it like a spider web. It starts out really small and he gets bigger and bigger and bigger, right, and so it's unmanageable until it's huge and you can't stop it and it's just huge force. You know, this happens a lot and people's lives. It happens, you know, in relationships at the office, with our friends and family. There's moments where we tell these little lies, right, because we don't want to hurt anybody. We and that's how it always comes up. You know, it's always like, oh, I didn't want to hurt her, so I didn't tell her the truth. You know, I didn't want to hurt him, so I I just kept it from them. You know, I didn't want my I didn't want my wife or my husband to be mad at me because I spent too much money on a credit card. So I just didn't say nothing because I didn't I don't want to ruin their day. I didn't want to ruin their month. I don't want to stress them out. No, it's not about them, it's about you. You didn't want to look like a fool. You don't want to own a Yo, babe, I kind of went crazy on a credit card this month. I know I put us in a bad spot. We're just going to have to handle it right. That's going to be a lot better, because what's going to happen is you want to stress about it. So the bill comes and it makes sure you get the bill out of the mail before your spouse does. Make sure you make that minimum payment before they see it, you know. So now you stress until the bill comes, and then what happens next month? Will the bill still coming? And then what happens if you hit that limit? Now you stressing of whether or not they're going to use that card. And what if they use that card at the grocery store and then they get denied? What a cart full of groceries, looking like a fool? You don't mean to tell me that they're not going to come home pissed his hell, and they going to be a lot more pissed after they look like an idiot in public because you couldn't fess up and tell the truth. Then they would have been then if you just said Ay, I missed that, sorry, you know, I went to the track and lost our rent money. You know. I guess that's when he gets bad, when you when you bet in the ponies and losing your rent money. You know. But you got to fess up because the cover up is always, always, always, always, worse than the crime. There's never a situation where the cover ups better than the crime, you know, because the longer you let things sit and fester, two things happen. One it makes for a bigger story. Right. There's a really I don't lie and there's a reason I don't lie because, a, I cannot multitask, as Wendy knows. I cannot do two things at once. I can't think about two things at once. Right. So if I lie now, I got to try to remember that lie. And I don't have like the best memory in the world, which is funny because I've never really done drugs. Right. So I just think like how jacked up my memory would be if I got high all the...

...time, like if I always got man, I would be dumber than a rock. So I don't have a good memory and I can't multitask right. So that kind of takes me out of the lie game because if I lie, I'm screwed because I'm not going to be able to remember the lie. I'm not going to remember what I said, but like, Oh shit, did I say this or did I say that? So I just tell the truth. And a lot of times the truth hurts right. And actually this morning in my house is a great example. And so we were getting ready this morning and my beauty full fiance, Megan, asked me how her hair looked. Right now, dudes, we all go through this. Right, don't ask me a question that you don't want to hear the answer to. That's my life motto, because I cannot lie right. So her hair wasn't a hundred percent on point right. There was this Little Bang problem going on on the, you know, right side of her head. So I had to tell her, no, I don't look good, you need to fix that right and at that moment I'm sure it made her sad, right, because it make anybody sad. Just spent fifteen minutes doing your hair and your man, who you love so much, tells you that it don't look good. It would make anybody sad. But how much more pissed would she be if she walked around town all day with jacked up looking hair right, and then she comes home and she's like, Babe, how's my hair look? And I'm like, well, it looks kind of funny because I can't remember the fact that this morning I told her it looks good right, because I, like I already said, I don't have a good memory and I can't do two things at once right. So I'm probably helping the kids with their homework and then she will ask me, Babe, how's my hair look before we go out to, you know, curriculum night, it Isabella's school, and I'm like God, looks good that she going both today you told me it didn't look good. So that's why I got to go straight legit with it, and it probably made her sad, but not as pissed off if I would a lied, and then she'd have been like, I walked around all day what messed up hair, you asshole. You Know Huh? So you got to tell the truth because it builds, it builds up and it build up and that cover up is worse than a crime. And you can't remember your lives right, so now you're always focusing on like, okay, this is what I said and this is you know what I'm going to say if they say this or if they say that, because I got to keep going with this lie. I got to die with the lie. You don't want to die with the lie because not only now are you using all your memory to try to remember the lie, then you got the guilt, right, you got the guilt, and the guilt sets in. We're going to take a break and then we're going to talk about the guilt, the guilt that sets in when you tried to die with the lie. We're going to talk about relationships and this next song is going to be a great a great segue into dying with the lie and the guilt and the cover up when it comes to relationships. So I was thinking when I was doing my show, I'm thinking, Ma'm when some good lie songs, so I think about relationships and live songs. This was the number one song came my head, number one song that came to my head. You guys got any questions about lies? You have some skeletons in your closet that you want to spill to us? Hit US up social media. At your coach Shawan emails, Sean Shan Alfonsocom Dad's what Swagcom Shaw Alfonsocom, but right now we got some shaggy. It wasn't me. Well, man, open up, mantch. This happened the girl next door. You know, I don't know what to do next. We were both making hanging on the bathroom standing all the print on your plan up. Gonna to work a lot of your situation. Not to call the pot to be a true I don't hope to say you'll like con I say, Dad, through our word versus, I have to claim out your love and over hur you got me on the counter. Wasn't me. Some Me Banging on the Sofa wasn't me. I even had her in the shower. She even got me on camera. Summer shoulder wasn't the ones that I told her wasn't getting louder, wasn't it? With the next we were both making hanging on the bedroom deep back from SIS. I know you to seem...

...to take a lower flex I sty up here by your enother complex, ENA's believing. So you're better change of specks. You're for sure. Y'All, don't bring whatever things come from the bars a little evidence upon him off make for your hands up over time, or did your mark? You know your bets are run. But you got me on the counter. Wasn't me some Me Banging on the SOFA? Wasn't I even had her in the shower? Wasn't even got me on camera. Wasn't the marks on my shoulder? Wasn't he the one that I told her? Wasn't the stings getting louder? Was Amazed that I did. It wasn't me red with an we were both making hanging on the bedroom get all this time. I'm sorry for the pain falls and I'm sorry for the pain I froom. Now back to dad's with swag with your host, Shawn if Onso. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sean at Sean alfonsocom. I love to get back to charity. Sometimes I find it hard to just cut a big check. I get so busy with the wife and kids. I'm more of a set it and forget it kind of guy. That's why I love the Angel Club. I can pick the amount I taken out of my checking account every month. I never see the money, so I never miss the money and I could always feel good knowing I'm giving back every month. If you want to join the Angel Club, just go to Pierce Family Foundationcom. All right, lies, lies in the relationship. You know, we talked. We talked about the lies and how they build, and how they build. It's now about talk about that guilt and how that guilt sets in. And the guilt is way worse than the lie, because at first you told yourself, all right, I'm going to tell this lie as to not hurt somebody else's feelings, right, when in fact you're just saving your own embarrassment or saving your own ass, or you're doing it for yourself, even though you're saying, oh well, I'm doing it to not hurt somebody else's feelings, so let's just call that once again another lie. So and now you've already done told too lies. But then the guilt sets in, right, so, say you're in a marriage and you see like, you know, an attractive lady or a Coworker, a dude tells you you know, you look pretty today and it made you feel Nice. Right. And then maybe you guys start chopping it up, you know, chatting more, you know, because you know you think she's hot or because this dudes given you more attention. Maybe you guys go out to lunch and it's all innocent, right. It's all innocent at the beginning. Then your significant other ask you a question about right, like, Oh, I saw you been looking at, you know, tiffany. What's up with that? You know? Or you know, how come you went out to lunch with John? You know what's going on there? First words out of your mouth. Nothing. Why? Why do you think something? Whoy? How come you always accusing me of stuff? Ain't nothing going on. There's the beginning of the lie, right, that's it. Right there, boom, you done lied. Now here's the way you could have played it right. You could have been straight up.

Yeah, she's good to look at. I enjoy looking at her. She has an amazing smile, if she got Nice boobs, whatever it may be, and she seems like a cool person. We've gone out to lunch a couple times. You know, maybe we should get together on a couple's Day, you know, have a play date with her kids. Are you know whatever like take the take the shame out of it, you know? Or Yeah, honey, you know, Bob told me my outfit looked really good the other day. We've had a couple lunches. Yeah, man, he's a great guy. You know, you two have so much in common, or maybe you have nothing in common, but we should all go out together. Take the shame out of it. It's okay to be attracted to other people. It's okay to enjoy compliments from other people. Now, I'm not saying go out there and pull yourself out, and I'm not saying going out there and objectifying every woman in the world right, because then you got to really look at yourself on an inside and be like Yo, as should I be in this relationship? Maybe I need to get out this relationship. But if you're appreciating something beautiful that God made and you're just appreciating the company of somebody new and different, there's nothing wrong with that. So be honest, be straight up, don't hide it, don't throw shame on it, because when you do, then the guilt sets in. Right. So now you just went out to lunch with somebody who you think in your mind you shouldn't have gone out to lunch with. Right, because even though you haven't done anything wrong, there's already the guilt because you're hiding the secret. Right. So then you get home and your significant other says how was your day? Well, now your mind quickly he's like, oh, shoot, do they know? Oh, my day was good. You know, you snap at him. You want to start a fight because you want to get them off the topic of them if you talking about your day. You don't want them asking you about your day. No more, right, because what happens if they keep digging? Oh, what did you have for lunch? Where did you go to lunch? Who did you have lunch with? Right? So then you start these petty little arguments to try to get them off track. How long is that going to last? Because then you're going to feel bad. Damn. Why did I fight with my old lady tonight? You know, we've been having it's been going good the last couple weeks and now I'm over here starting dumb fights about you know how comes to them. Bring my dry cleaning home. How come I didn't take out the garbage? Like, why is my wife fighting with me? You know what would happen. You know it's because of these cover ups and and and it's hard. I got to keep going back, like to husband and wife, husband and wife, because I'm going to tell you right now, lying is not just on men. It's not just a male problem. Women lie as much as men lie. You know, there's a there's a saying, I think it's from a TV show. Men Lie, women lie. Numbers never lie, but it's true. Like, it's not just a fair dude. Aren't the only ones out there having affairs. I have plenty of friends, Guy Friends, whose old ladies cheated on them. I have plenty of acquaintances that you know. They call me up and they're like, yes, I just found out my wife cheated on me. What should I do? So it's not just a male thing, it's a male and female thing. So you got to just keep it real and take the shame out of it, because I'll tell you right now, if I'm walking, you know, this beautiful studio is connected to this mall, you know, and if I was walking through them all and I saw a very attractive person. I would have no problems whatsoever telling my fiance Dang, she looks good, man, that's a nice outfit. And I'm a shoe guy. I love shoes right, love shoes. If I see a girl and a nice pair of shoes, I have no hesitation in telling them that's a great pair of cakes or thinking it in my head. I might not tell them because then they might think I'm coming on to him or something and that's she is awkward. But I could recognize a nice pair of shoes and I could tell Megan Babe them some fucking Nice kicks or wow, that girl's outfits on point, you know. Or Geez, she might not wanted to put so much to that college and in her lips.

Shit don't look good, you know, because if not, if I just think it in my head and look at it and try to like peer out the side of my eye, I'll shady like then it's going to build, you know, build guilt in me, and then she don't be like what are you looking at? Like nothing, you mean. What am I looking at? Why always looking at my eyes? Why I always wondering what I'm looking at? It because I'm getting I feel guilty, so I'm gonna start an argument. So if you're just straight up and up front about it, doesn't mean you're going to go. It doesn't mean that you want to have sex with them. It doesn't mean that you want to go take them out and woo them. And if it does mean that, if it does, you know, if you're out there on the hunt and you're in a relationship and you're out there on the hunt, then you need to check out that relationship. Right, you need to look at that relationship. And and what about the relationship that makes you want to step out the house, step out, you know, step out on your on your significant other. But it's the lies and the cover ups that get you to that point, because the little ones, the little peaks, the little non troops, you know, Oh, I didn't tell my significant other that I had lunch with that person because it's not a big deal. Is it's not a big deal. They didn't need to know. It would have just it would have caused more problems than it's word. Well, if it's not a big deal, then tell them ordering the sandwich isn't a big deal. Right. Would you have for lunch? I had a sandwich, that's not a big deal. So if you know, if you have lunch with somebody and it's not a big deal, then tell it. No, if you spent too much money on your credit card and it's not a big deal, then say it, because those are in relationships. Those are the two biggest lies, right, cheating lies and money lies in a relationship. That's what people lying about, you know, and the same thing with the money, with the spending. It's not always women. It's like we got these things all twisted. We got these things that like men do the cheating and women spend too much money. I know all kinds of dudes if be spending money, way more money than they should be spending. They got a hundred thousand dollar carnate, living in an apartment with no credit, horrible, spending more money than they got. You know, wanting to impress people that don't need impressing and that that's a huge challenge in relationships, huge challenge. You know, finances, spending too much money and then trying to cover it up, lying about it, trying to hide the trying to hide the bills, like your spouse isn't going to find out eventually. You know, I have a friend, his his significant and I guess this is going to go against my point of dudes be piling of bills too, but oh well, I got a buddy. He was married, he got divorced. In the divorce realize that, like his soontobe x had like four other credit cards that she had opened up without telling them, had them all maxed out, crazy like to buy what stupid shit that she don't even need. And he was mad, you know, and maybe if she was just honest at the beginning, they could have worked through it, you know, they could have figured out something to do. Maybe things need, you know, therapy or, you know, get some help figure it out. Like man, how come every time I go to lunch with strangers I feel guilty about it? Well, you need to check it out on the inside, see what's going on with you and why you feel guilty about that and why you can't tell your spouse the truth. or how come every time I go to the mall I just have to buy a whole bunch of stuff? That's something to look at, you know, don't be ashamed, don't be afraid. So much of this stuff has to do it. Shame we're so ashamed that we have these feelings or we're so ashamed that we have these thoughts. If I see a beautiful person, a pretty girl, or even if I see a dude. If I see a guy with some nice shoes on and a guy, I'll tell because I'm not worried about that a dude. If I see a guy walking down the street with some like sick ass Jordans, I'm like, Dude, nice kids. If I see a dude in a nice suit or a cool sport coat, a man I jacket, awesome, I have no problem because there's no shame. So why should there be shame? If I see a lady in a pretty dress, man, that dress is hot. Who We God, you outdid yourself on that body. Now, I'm not talking about objectify and I'm not talking about...

...sitting there googling and aggling and not taking your eyes off it, but if you can appreciate beauty for a moment and not feel guilty about it, do you feel guilty if you look at the Grand Canyon? You feel guilty if you look at the Mona Lisa or a Picasso. You know you go to your homeboy's house and they got like some fancy art on the wall. Do you feel guilty if you're like wow, that has some good art? No, you don't feel guilty. Remember, every person that God made is a masterpiece. Don't feel guilty. You know. And if your spouse is selfesteem ain't high enough to hear the truth, then that's what they got to work with, right, that's what they got to work on. That's not your problem, because only you know if you're doing it in good ways or bad ways. Right, you're looking at somebody, you're like, wow, that's a good looking dude right there. Yeah, look at those chiseled ABS. Only you know, as a woman, whether or not it's a good thing or a bad thing, right, whether you're doing it appropriately or inappropriately. So only you know. And if you're doing it appropriately and it's all on the up and up and you're just paying gratitude towards something that you see that is nice, like a nice car, you know, a Nice House, a nice boat, a Nice Tattoo, and it's not like all sexual and all Yucky. It's just on the up and up and you know in your heart that's how you was viewing it. And your spouse takes it the wrong way. Then that's on them, because I'm going to tell you right now what you will have as a clean, guilt free conscience. Now, if it's sideways, and yeah, you was like who I want to get with him, I'm a slide him my number. Hopefully he'll call me up, hit me up in the DM. That's where it always goes down, and it's not authentic and it's shady. Then yeah, they they got a right to be nervous. So then you got to take it to the next step. Do you need to get out the relationship? You know, because the lies will always catch up with you. The lies will always catch up. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will catch up with you. And when they catch up with you, damn, he's going to be held to pay. It is going to hurt so much worse. And then you're going to have lived all that guilt and the consequences are going to be ten times harder and it's never going to be worth it. Look you, Ryan Lockty told a lie how to live with all that guilt. Boom, consequences, ten times harder. All his sponsors dropped his ass and now he's sitting there go was that worth it? Hell? No one worth it, not at all. It's never worth it. It's never worth it. So why are you afraid to tell the truth? We got the Thompson twins, lies, promises. WHAT'S A to dig? But awt some becomes the sky. Hide it in your eyes. I think it's too late. The car...

...is rubbing in the dry side lines eyes. Now back to dad's with swag with your host, Shawn up on some welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan, at Sean alfonsocom Yo. Fellas, did you know that forty percent of men can't stay hard long enough to please their lady? Even the swaggiest of men can't fake an erection. Lucky for you, I have a swagged, doubt VIP entrance type solution. It's called for hymnscom, a onestop shop for hair loss and sexual wellness for men. Look with kids, work and that honey do list. WHO has time to hit up the doctor and get a prescription for that little blue pill? What if I told you I can hook you up with the way? You can get the erectile without the dysfunction from the comfort of your own home. And I'm not talking some quote unquote supplement you pick up at the gas station or late night TV. I'm talking real prescription medicine that has a proven track record. We all know the little pill that starts with the letter V. Well, it's just went generic and for hymns has your hook up. All you have to do is fill out a few questions and chat with the doctor for a confidential review and before your next date night, the prescription medication will ship discreetly to you from for hymns. And I got you back. Try for hymns for a month for just five dollars. Will get you started for just five bucks while supplies last. See website for full details. This would cost hundreds if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy. Go to for hymnscom Swag Ed. That's FO r himscom s Wa g Ed for him's Swag Ed. Check it out, though. So so the cover up sorts in the crime. Right. And then we talked about the guilt and how to guilt just eats you up and eat you up. And was it worth it? Was it worth dealing with all that guilt of the lie, all that deception, having to remember the lie that you told over and over again? Right, because you don't want to blow your cover. So now you're constantly thinking of this lie that you told so you don't blow your cover. Now you're dealing with all the guilt from the lie that you told. Was it worth it? Was it worth it? Was it worth it to not get in trouble from your parents? Right, because that's when it all starts. We tell a little lie, you know, a little white lie to mom and Dad, and we get away with it so we don't get, you know, on a restriction or something like that. You know, then as we get older, these lies get bigger. You know, was it worth it? Was it worth it to lie to your boss to keep a job that you don't like? I don't know. I would say no. To get out the job. Tell the truth. If you get fired,...

...so be it. You didn't like the fucking job anyway. Peace, I'm out. Is it worth it to stay in a marriage that you don't like. I'm going to tell a lie to be in a relationship that I don't like. I'm going to lie to my wife that I don't want to be with anymore so she doesn't get mad and leave me. ha ha ha. That makes sense right, that makes so much sense. No, just come straight up, tell the truth. What happens? Happens right the consequent you'll deal with that when it happens, because here's here's what happens. We always think like these worst, horrible, horrible things are going to happen, right, we always think the worst of the worst. Oh my gosh, if I tell my husband that Tony at work told me that I looked pretty today, he's gonna get mad, he's gonna go beat up Tony or he's going to leave me and now I'm going to be a single mom with three kids. Well, first of all, if your husband's going to leave you because some other dude told you you look good, then you don't need his ass. You don't need his ass. Now, if you out there holing around flirting with every dude in the world and you just trying to rub it in your man's face. That's a different story. I'm not talking about that stuff. All Right, I'm not talking about that, because then you guys just need to split up anyway. But I'm talking about the real, real I if your man is so insecure that he can't handle another person telling you that you look good, then he's got problems and it doesn't have anything to do with you. So tell the truth. My fiance's banging, hot, gorgeous, smoke show extraordinary. Dudes look at her all the time. She gets complimented all the time. You know what I say. Don't drive a Bentley if you don't want people to stare. If I will be with the beautiful woman on the inside and out, an amazing person, then I should expect people to pay attention, because I pay attention now. If I don't want people to pay attention, then I need to go get me some chick who's a bitch, who just Honrey, who just got that resting bitch face that nobody ever wants to look at or talk to, that got snaggly hair and jacked up teeth that nobody wants to like. Pay attention to what? No personality, because we all know it's not about looks. Right. It's about the personality. You see it's a Smiley, nice, friendly person. You're like, Whoa, there's something special about that and it makes you look. You see a snarly looking rare type of chicks sitting over there, you ain't going to look. So if I don't want people to look, then I need to load my game down. Give me one of them snarl too chicks right. But if I'm going to drive a Bentley, people going to stare and that's where I look at it. So you better think you're old ladies of Bentley. You better. You better think you dropped driving a drop top bends or something, something fancy, some Ferrari Lambo, and if you and if that's what you're rocking, then people going to check it out. Don't be intimidated. Be Like yeah, you could look all you want, but I'm going home with her and doesn't matter of fact, I'm going to give her a big old kissing hug right now because she's mine. So here's what a dude can do when your old lady comes home. There's like, Babe, I was at the office, I'm having such a great day. Tony told me that my outfit was totally on point and I looked fly as shit. Yeah, baby, you do look good. Won't you come over here? Let Daddy give you a little kiss. That's what you need to do, because there's no shame in it. There's no shame in appreciating something that's beautiful. There's no shame and having somebody tell your spouse they're beautiful. And when your husband comes home from the office and was like, yeah, I was on this sales call and this secretary was checking me out, tell me how good I look. And Baby, let me tell you, she had these tits that were oh my gosh. Now, it was fake at all, but wow, don't go throw dinner at him, don't chase him around the house with a knife, don't yell at him and cursing him, and...

...call your Mama and have her curse at them, and call your sisters and your cousins and have everybody else curse Adam for what a dog is. Say Really Bad Dang. That's cool, but why don't you come over here and get Mama a little sugar? I'm glad you saw something you like, because if he came home was like, baby, I was driving down the street and I saw this Lambo and it was bad as fun. It had this paint job that just sparkled. Would you care? No, it doesn't mean he's going to the dealership tomorrow and dropping two hundred and fifty thousand dollars on a Lambo, just like it doesn't mean he's going to reach across that counter and grab the chicks boob. It doesn't mean he's gonna slipper his phone number me like hey, baby, why don't you give me a call? Because if he does do that, then that's something different. That's not what we're talking about here. We're not talking about that. That's that's a whole I could do a whole nother episode on that. And, like I said that you need to heart. You need to work on our relationship. You know, that's a year process right there, of you two just recommitting and reconnecting and getting that relationship on point. That's what that is. That's different. These are the little lies, the little lies that start off small and then turn into calling up Sean and being like Yo, coach, I need to work with you. Me and my old lady need to work with you for a year to get our relationship back on track. Well, how did it all start? Awesome. Dude told her she looked pretty and she couldn't tell me. I saw a girl with a nice button. I couldn't tell her. I was afraid. I was afraid she's going to leave me. Five years later, guess what, she only leave me because that's what happens. That's what happens. And if, five years ago, if you would have just been like man, honest and truthful, she wouldn't leave you. No person of quality that loves you would leave you for that. They wouldn't. No, there's nobody in my life that I love, that I care about. My brother, my kids, Megan. There's nobody that can tell me something that would make me love them less. Nothing. Nothing at all. I don't care. My brother can call me up and be like, Yo, Bra I just robbed his bank. Man, I'm on the run. Dog. Hey, Bro, I just merked some chickens. Some dude up. Man, she was checking out my chick and you know, I went crazy. Wouldn't change my opinion of that man one bit. Wouldn't change my love for him one bit. My kids can call me and be like, Daddy, I just got an f because in their life that's like the biggest thing in the world right getting an FF in school. I wouldn't love them less. You know, Daddy, I just called somebody stupid because there's two words in my house. We could pretty much say anything we want in my house, except three words, the s word, which is stupid, the h word, which is hate, and the R word, which is retarded. Those three words are not acceptable in my house, not acceptable at all, right, because there's people out there were mental disabilities and that's that is not to be made fun of. I don't care. There's no politically correct way to use that word, so just don't use it. And then the word hate, do her. Is there something that you really hate? No, there's things that you might not like. There's things you dislike a lot, but we got so much damn hate in this world right. So if one of my daughter Said Daddy, you know, and then the same thing is stupid, like man, you know, I like, I told you guys, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. Sometimes, you know, I could. I can remember every time in my life a teacher or a classmate or somebody call me stupid. It sticks with you, you know, those things stick to people. They stick to people hard. So we don't allow those words. So if one of my daughters came home was like Daddy, I was on a playground and I called someone so stupid, that'd be very shameful for them. That'd be hard for them to come tell me. But I wouldn't love them less. If making came home and was like Yo, Babe, you know, I bought a new Gi Vanchy bag. I used the mortgage money to buy the new bag, I wouldn't love her less, I wouldn't think less of her. We'd work it out. Fuck it, because I love her more than I love any mortgage money. I love my kids more than I love any words. I love my brother more than I love anybody else. And your spouse, your significant other, loves...

...you. But you got to love yourself, and that's what it boils down to. We don't love ourselves enough, so we don't think we're good enough. So we think if we come straight up, come clean, they're going to leave us. And if they leave you, so be it. Work Yourself, work on yourself, build yourself up, find somebody better that's not going to leave you, that's not going to leave you because you looked at something or you did something, whether you're ashamed of it or not ashamed of it. Be With somebody that's ride till you die, but you got to be the same way. You got to treat them with respect and you can't be out there holding around and then expecting them to just put up with it. That's ridiculous because that love will fade. Then the love they felt for you one day might not be the same way the next day. But if you honest and you trust, you know you and you straight up, they're not going to leave you. They're not going to think bad of you. They might, like, be pissed at you. They might be like, you're an idiot, because now our families out on the street. So you got to tell the truth. You got to tell the truth. Guy. This is my show and it's coming back on soon. Empire. I love this show man. If you have not seen empire, you need to check it out. It is sick. We got a little tell the truth and the Empire Soundtrack. For the reason they boy v S. where I got...

...now? That to dad's with Swag with your host Shaun up on some welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe. Rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your code, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sean alfonsocom. Check out our episode on family bonding on a budget. A great way to bond is cooking together. At our house we love hello fresh. It comes straight to the door every week with easy to read and step by step directions. All the ingredients are premeasured. That makes it fun and fast, a great meal the whole family loves. Go to hello freshcom and use Promo Code Swag thirty to save thirty percent off your first order. That's swag thirty to get your thirty percent off. Man, that was the Cham right there. I love that show. You got to tune in. Checkout Empire. It's an awesome show. So this week lies they're going to get you. How we tangled a Web. We we we practice to deceive. The cover up is always worse than a crime. So just come to it quick, peel that bandaid off, just deal with the consequences, because the consequences will not be as bad today as they will be tomorrow. So just be straightforward, be honest. If you can't be honest with somebody love, then you need to dig deeper and figure out what's going on with that relationship. We out. Thanks for listening to DAD's betwat. Check out new episodes every Thursday or go to dad's with swagcom. Download past episodes.

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