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Dads With Swag

Episode · 4 years ago

Daddy and Bella talking all things Teen

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Bella comes in the studio to talk all things teen. We talk about School life balance, cyber bulling, mean teachers, the draw backs of divorced parents. care.com/swag  for 30% off premium membership holts.com https://www.holts.com/?utm_source=2018_Promotion_Plan&utm_medium=DadsWithSwag&utm_campaign=June_2018

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. You're listening to dad's with Swag, where your coach Shawn has the tools to help you navigate some of life's ups and downs. Let's do it. Whether you're trying to balance work in life, going through a difficult time in marriage or trying to manifest that perfect mate, Shawn can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Loving husband and dadded two amazing girls. Your coach Shunk can help you Trin your dreams into goals and make them a reality. No more faking change. Is kind of start making change with the swaggy'st out of them all. Your coach Seawan. What is up? Welcome back to another episode of Dad's with Swag. We're coming at you live from the swaggiest studio of all, the Dad's with Swag Studio, and I am joined by my oldest daughter, Bella Bella. Welcome to the studio. Hi, how's your summer going? So far? Good, so far. It's been like a week of summer. And and today we're going to talk about child life balance right, because, as parents, always talk about like this work life balancing right. We're trying to obtain the ultimate work life balance. We're trying to, you know, make sure that we spend enough time with our kids and have healthy relationships with them, and we have to make sure that, you know, we spend enough time at the office or whatever our job is, to make enough income to be able to support our family. And it's a very, very tight rope that we have to walk to obtain this work life balance right, because if we spend all our time at work making all this money and never enjoy these moments with our children, they're going to grow up to be all dysfunctional and stuff like that. But if you just sit on your ass and collect welfare, then your kids are going to have like no respect for you and you're not going to give them any ambition to go out and like find a career choice or be an entrepreneur think that they can, you know, go out there and make a good, strong living, because they haven't had any good role models. So it's a very slippery slope, this work life balance. But with that also comes childlife balance and I don't think it's talked about enough. You know, kids today, they have so many different distractions coming at him and we're going to talk about a few of those with Bella. And they have a whole like workload of school right, homework and school work and social at school that they have to keep up with, but then after school they have all these extracurricular activities that they like to do to kind of try to figure out who they are and figure out what they want to do in life and the things that make them happy. So we're going to talk a little bit about that. Bell tell us a little bit about your school life, like how a typical like day at school for you? What's typically consist of? So at school we have block schedules to depending on the day, if it's an a there every day we have four classes and then a snack and lunch. So it'll typically go we have to our first class will start at eight o'clock in the morning and then end are like nine hundred and twenty, and then we have snack or break where you can either eat snack or you can just hang out socialize. So about nine hundred and forty five and then a fifty are next class begins till eleven o'clock and then we'll and then typically it'll go from after that class will have lunch and then we'll have our next two classes, but dependent. But after lunch we can either have clubs or advisory. So it really just depends on the day of the week. And then how much homework do you think you typically get at school? Between one, two, two or three hours of...

...homework? Man, that's a lot of homework. And then what are some of your extracurricular activities that you like to do outside of school? Well, when I was like in like sixth grade, I used to play volleyball, but recently I joined my dance company at diverse elements dance studio and so I've just done dance a lot. I have about fourteen hours a week typically, and Yash that's all I do. Is it hard to maintain your homework, school life and your dance life? Yeah, what's the hardest part about it? Having time to study for tests? Wow, and then have dance, because sometimes I'll have a test and I'll like, have a really busy weekend to where I can't study and then I'll have it on a good Tuesday, but I've danced Monday, so I'll have to find time on Monday to study for the test on Tuesday and now I have to let you guys know that Bella is probably one of the most responsible kids I know. Like she's so organized, overly organized. Why don't you tell them the story real quick about your agenda? So to kids, ever since they were in preschool, they get these things, these agendas, and every day the agenda comes home and it kind of says like what their homework is or what they did in school that day, and then the parent has to sign it. So then the teachers know, you know, hey, the parents knows what's going on, and then if the teachers have to write notes, they put it in the agenda. If the parent wants her at a note to the teacher, they put it in the agenda. So once the kids get to middle school though the agenda, the parents don't have to sign it anymore and we're a little hands off on the agenda, but it's a great tool to help the kids stay organized and on task. So tell tell the listeners the story about your agenda this year. So this year I decided because in past years we'd get like certain notebook and binders and it'd be a different color for each class. So I've always stuck with that. I think we got that and like around fourth grade. So I've always stuck with that same color pattern. So what I did this year is I got differ from colored pens with that same color pattern and I would write for each box, for each class which like in the color. So then it'd be really color coordinated, but it's still have all my classes on the side and like have all the dates in the what if he was an a or beat it? So one day I was in science. We have to put our agenda in the front and my science teachers like like, because like checking the gendas. He sees mine. He's like, I need to borrow this really quick and he just leaves a classroom and I'm like freaking out, like what is he doing with it? What I do wrong? And then he just comes back and puts it down. And then the not the next day but the day after. So the two days later I'm in math and I see what looks like a print out of my agenda on my math teacher's wall and I'm like wait, what, and so I got closer and I'm like where did you get this? And she's like, Oh, it was in this it was in our staff meeting. Mr Catilla, which is my science teacher, so saw showed it to everyone and said that this is what an agenda should look like, until Miss Gothi, which is my principle, told all the teachers that they have to put it in their classroom would and it was my agenda and I was like, Oh, so that's what he was doing on my agenda. That's pretty cool, but that just that's a little like hints into how organized this young lady is. I'm telling you, super responsible and super organized. She does not get that for me, as you guys probably know, but and she still so. She's this organized, she's this structure, she's this will put together, and yet she still has some challenges with school life balance. How do you feel happy to give up volleyball in order to do so much dance? Well,...

I used to love like I love playing volleyball and it was really fun to do the Games in the practices, but since I didn't not send I'm not doing that. Everyone's wondering why I'm not doing that and so, like the PE teachers and stuff, one's volleyball season will force me to do it and I'm like, I can't do it because I've danced like I love doing dance, but I also loved volleyball, so it's a little bit upsetting that I can't do volleyball. But it's not like I did it as like a club sport. It was just like a couple weeks as a school sport, so it's not that big of a deal, but it's still I did it for like two or three years, so it's kind of upsetting. But do you think that you ever sometimes wish that you could do both? Do like dance and volleyball and keep up with your school schedule? Definitely, because it was a lot of fun. But what are some other what are some other things that kids and your grade do? Is extracurricular activities? Soccer, soccer, a lot of soccer, playing your best friend play soccer. Yeah, okay. And how do they ever talk about how hard it is to keep up with school and soccer? Not Really, because, well, only my best friend. I like talk to her, but she didn't really talked about too much because she stays up really late at night. I know that she'll stay up till like ten or eleven o'clock to where her mom will have to like take something away from her to make her go to bed because she'll be of late. Doing homework, because she'll get back from soccer practice, I like nine o'clock, and she has it, I'm pretty sure, almost every single day because she's on the state not like the national like the state team. So she'll come home really late at night and then she'll have a lot of homework to do, so she'll be up late and then not get enough sleep. You just very important. Yeah, I used to make bell go to bed at nine o'clock and then just a couple months ago she cohersed me into letting her stay up, and so she wants to go to sleep and the good thing is, like I said, I never would have made that deal if she wasn't so responsible, because she does make sure that she gets to sleep at a somewhat decent time so she's not cranky in the morning and she does get up on time, if not early, every single morning. So that's a good thing. What are some other things other than just like the homework factor of school that plays into this, like other activities at school that you think you might miss out on or these activity take time, and so does dance and sometimes there's a conflict. Is there anything like that? Um, well, there's a tendency to have like a lot of APP like dance it like school dances or like we just had our end of the year carnival of a couple weeks ago, and then they tend to have them always on Friday nights and I always have dance on Friday nights, so it's really hard to pick which one to go to. So we had formal and I was like that's like a huge dance for our for like Middle School. It's like prom from it for seventh and eighth graders, because sixth graders on a aren't allowed to go. Since I was a sixth grader last year, I wasn't allowed to go, so I was like, well, of course I want to go. So I skipped dance to go. And then the next week we had a school carnival and it was from I think about four five o'clock to nine o'clock at night, and I have danced till seven. So I convinced my dad to let me go after dance. I was there for about an hour after dance, which was good that I was later at night at ten, but there's a tendency that these events will start at like six and then end up like eight. So if I went after dance, I typically wouldn't be able to really do anything. I only have like thirty minutes there, which isn't very fun. So it really I really have to just pick and shoes. which things like what's more important sometimes? Yeah, definitely,...

...and that's for a kid that those are tough choices to make. We're going to be right back and we're going to talk more with Bella about school life balance and the life of a teenager. Now back to dad's with swag with your host, Shaun Up Onso. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan, at Sewan alfonsocom. Do you have a dad with swag or is Your Baby Daddy a dad would swag? Do you know a single dad out there holding things down? Maybe Your Co workers a dad would swag? If so, make sure you enter our father's Day giveaway. You can win a gift certificate from Holt Cigars, one of the oldest and most established cigar retailers in the world. It doesn't matter if he's a novice or a connoisseur when it comes to cigars. Holtz has something for everyone, with amazing customer service in a thirty day back money guarantee. It's definitely my Goto spot when I need to add some sticks to my human or in fact, I just placed my order for a Rocky Patel Mulligan's monster deal of twenty cigars for forty nine dollars and I got free shipping. To enter the contest, just follow us on Instagram at your coach Shan and tag the Dad. Would Swag, you know. Or if you want to keep it on the DL, just shoot me an email at Sean at Sean alfonsocom with their user name and we'll keep the nomination private. Will pick the winner live June fourteen, so stay tuned. So, Belle, another big thing that, like teenagers, have to deal with all the time is social media. So, as a teenager, how do you deal with social media? What are some of the social media APPS that you like to play around with these days? Well, I use INSTAGRAM, a lot. And then snapchat is one that my friends use now instead of texting on I mustages, we just text off of that and we send each other like pick funny pictures, are like videos of ourselves, using like the filters. My favorite filters definitely the one with the huge mouth where it changes your voice. I love using that one. And so we'll just send like funny things back and forth with each other using snapchat. And then Instagram, I use and I also use twitter, but I use twitter just to try to get in contact with ZAC Efron, because why not? And so that's her crush. You could admit it live and front millions of people. This one. Thirteen daughter is in love with Zac Efron and Daddy's okay with it because, like I said, a previous episode when we have two girls on and at that time, who was your Hollywood crush then? What was it? Grant Gustin, Grand Gustin. He's awful. He's a dodger fans. So yeah, don't watch the flash. So it's funny that you know she has these Hollywood crushes, but it's kind of cool and refreshing because as a dad she's allowed to have these crushes and have these idolizations. But is easy for me because it's so unattainable. It's not like it's like a sophomore in her high school, you know what I'm saying. So it helps with the stress a little bit. All right, so you are on twitter, so you can stock Zach Fron. Yeah, I do that and sty on Instagram to to where I used to go to like the search thing and in my like what they like my explore page. Everything would be Zac at from, but I've gone to the point where it's not really Zac at front anymore. So I think that's a bad thing. What's on your explore page now like will? They'll be like...

...every once in a while pictures Zac at from, but then when you click it, you can like scroll down and then they'll be more. But majority of the time when I click it, I've already saved it and then when I score down I've saved all of them. So I mean dad, but now it's just like slime videos, because those are very satisfying to watch. Everybody loves slime videos. If you're a pairing out there in two thousand and eighteen, you know about that slime man. This slime is taken over to house. Houses across the world are dealing with this slime. Okay, so snapchat, instagram, a little bit of twitter and House Party. Well, that kind of like social media, but it's kind of is. It's like facetime, but you can so you can go into it and then you have like all your friends that you like add, so like kind of like social media and then you can just like talk with your friends and you can like walk it and like all this stuff need is face. So you can lock it so the parents can't get in there and like crash your house party. Yeah, or so if they're really annoying sixth graders that you don't want to be in there, you can just lock it, like because you can see when they come in. So sometimes I'll be on the on there with my friends and we'll all see, oh, Bababa just is in the house and then we'll be like, oh my Gosh's persons in the house and we lock it. Okay, okay, then right, and then we'll go and see if they're still there and then right when they're gone, well, unlock it. Okay, okay. It's a lot of fun. See, back back in my day we would just go to a friend's house and all get together, going and their house and and talk and if a person, an annoying sixth grader, rolled up, we just wouldn't let them in the house. But some to. So now you gotta remember to Lock Your door to the House party before the annoying sixth graders come in. Okay. What about like and you might not know about this, but maybe you do, but it might be you might be a little young for it. What about like secret APPS? Do Do you know about any? Sea so so so, she she don't know about any secrets. I've heard of them, but it might be more of a hind like high school or eighth grader thing. I'm they like where you can like cover it up so it doesn't look like your it's like a drug selling APP where you can purchase drugs. No alcohol, not necessarily a drug or alcohol selling up at my naive daughter. It's like to where it could be like a snapchat or like a house party. But if your parents don't let you have snapchat or House party, then you could make the APP look like a calculator on your phone. When your parents look at your phone, then they're like, oh, what's this? Oh, it's just a calculator and then they won't know that you have but the cool thing is is that, like bell is so responsible and stuff that, you know, she could be pretty open with her mom and I about like the different apps that she wants and stuff like that, and we take all her recommendation seriously. We don't just say no like right off the top. There's usually, at least with me, there's usually a good reason. Like there's a good reason I won't let you wear makeup unless it's like Masscara or lip gloss or highlighter. Nope, no, daddy is against the highlighter. All You dad's out there against the highlighter. How we let your children were highlighter. It's the best part. Makes them look like a shiny clown that's sparkles in the sunlight. It's not. highlighter is not a good thing. I'm definitely anti makeup. I think that, like, women are so naturally beautiful and I think society and marketing has like brainwashed young girls and grown women to the fact that they need to put all this clown paste on their face to make themselves look beautiful, when in fact the natural beauty that God gave them is beautiful enough for me. So we have this discussion all the time. You know, if you listen to the show a lot, you know that. You know I'm divorced when the girls were really little. So it Belle's mom's house she's allowed to wear makeup, but at our house she's not allowed to wear makeup. It's gone to the point where my friends will my friend will be like, well, has gone to the point where she'll be like,...

...okay, I'm going to start guessing which house you're also, when I go to school with like when you can tell I have a highlighter and like I'm not scared and all that stuff on, she like, Oh, you're on your mom's house. Or when I go to school and I have nothing on, should like, Oh, you were at Your Dad's house, ha ha. See, that's the way I like it, though, because it keeps her beautiful and innocent and it doesn't allow her to fall into that trap that beauty is exterior and beauty can be obtained through purchasing of these products. It really can't. And as long as I possibly can, keep her in this bubble of not painting her face up, but I do now if it's a special occasion like a Bar Mitzvah or like a damn or summer. Not Summer. Yes, not them all, but like a special occasion, then I do let you are some makeup, right, not really for bar where you'll let me wear like lipstick. What about Fourbar Mitzpas? I'll let you put makeup on. Yes, she knows, it's true. And we went to a makeup class, right, yeah, but I'm still a lot of more makeup, that's true. But on a special occasions maybe come like once every seven months. Hey, once every seven months is better than once every no months. Right, that's what I said. Just makes sense. No, doesn't make sense. Of Months. There can't be no bunths. All right. So then maybe we'll say no more makeup until you're nineteen. That's illegal, because I'm eighteen. No, one don't. And I can do whatever I want. That's true. That is true. She can do whatever she wants. So, and I'm trying to like she's thirteen now. People, I don't want you to think like I'm talking to like my seventeen year old daughter and I'm trying to like keep her in a cocoon. So she's thirteen. I don't think she needs to wear makeup. Why don't you guys hit me up on social media or email me and let me know what your guys's thoughts are? But I think like maybe once she's sixteen, then maybe she could wear a little bit more makeup, but for right now, just and she has such beautiful skin, like everybody that's Caesars, like, oh my gosh, your skin is so beautiful, so beautiful, like why mess it up and cover it up with makeup? I don't get it. Fun Because it's fun. So let's see we hit on the social media aspect. Snapchat is basically where all two kids are at. So if you guys didn't get your snapchat stock early on, make sure you go out there and get it now. FACEBOOK is crumbling. Bell doesn't even have facebook. Never even ask for facebook. Got Old people, you, that's the old people use. So it's all about it's all about the Graham and the snapchat. So I let's see what else. What are some other things? What's like right now is a thirteen year old. What is the most stressful thing in your life? People? People, yes, old people, young people or your aged people, my aged people, your age people, and teachers. Teachers can be very stressful. Teachers can be stressful? Yes, because they'll be certain times, especially in my math class when me there was like me and then one or two other kids that were like we'd always be at behave, we'd always be respect for the teacher, but then everyone else in the class would always be yelling and talking and like making all these jokes in these sounds and it was like really annoying. So then so, then it would get to the point where my matthew get like really upset where like she'd like get scary, like you'd want to like leave the classroom because it was really scary. Like twist, she'd start sending everyone to the principal's office. It was really scary, and then you'd be like not understanding, like why, like we get lectures every time saying that we have to like grow up and all this stuff, but then you're like sitting there like this does not apply to me, I've been fine all year, when it's like yeah, now, at on the same token and this this is like a great parenting example as well.

So did she ever stand up and give a speech or a lecture or a testimonial about the great kids in class? Not Like Hey, you for are amazing great listeners. Know, but the other kids knew that we were her favorites because she'd always be really nice to us and like she'd like when it she'ld go around to like check homework, she'd like just be she'd be. She'd be like Oh, Beld, you do homework. I bid yeah, and she'd look, okay, that makes sense, and and then she but then the other kids she'd like stand there and be like where's your homework, when they'd be like, Oh, I did it, when for us she doesn't have to check us. She just rustly. Yeah, she trusts us. It's funny because there's such a great correlation right there with parenting as well, because sometimes we over emphasize on negative behavior and you know, we're like we talk about and we preach on the negative things that our kids are doing and we don't focus enough time, and I'm I do this a lot too. We don't focus enough time on accentuating the positive behavior of our kids and continue to talk about, you know, all the great things they do, but we're really quick to jump on like when they forgot to do something or they didn't do something or their misbehaving, and we forget to like emphasize when they're actually behaving well or being good kids. So I think teachers, they need to learn that lesson and I think parents as well. We need to learn that lesson that we can't just like emphasize the negative stuff, we have to emphasize on the positive stuff too. We're going to take another quick break and when we come back we're going to talk to Isabella about bullying and negative behavior. Let's try that out Peace Now. That to dad's with Swag with your host, Shaun Up Onso. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sean alfonsocom. With all my family still living in the bay, finding great child care has always been a hard thing for me. I started using care docom about twelve years ago and it's one of the best choices I made. I love that parents can get feedback on a sitter, and if you listen to the show often, you know how protective by am when it comes to my babies. That's why I love that carecom offers me the tools to run background checks and reference checks when I'm looking for a sitter. Most sitters have photos and videos you can see to give you a good feel for the person before you invite them in your home and shoot, before I met Wifie, I even use carecom to find housekeepers and dog sitters. My kids will probably use carecom when I'm old for some senior care. Yep, carecom has everything you need to help run a household all in one spot. I have the premium membership with CARECOM and I think you'll love it as much as I do. So I hooked up with the peeps at carecom to get you guys as swagged out special of thirty percent off your premium membership. Just go to carecom forward swag. That's carecom forward swag for your thirty percent off that premium membership. So, Belle, a lot of parents out there, like today, think bullying in school means like bloody noses and fat lips and kids getting pushed around and, you know, getting beat up and stuff like that. That's what a lot of parents consider bullying. What are some other types of bullying that teenagers have to deal...

...with today? They're cyber bullying, where it's with like they can text you mean things or put or like send you mean mean things our social media the will. There's physical bullying, and then there can there's also like verbal bullying, when they'll just like put you down and just like tell you mean things, like when you're at school, like maybe they'll talk about you behind your back and then they'll be like our lad they'll do or they'll like whispers things to you when you're in the hall and like or like start laughing at you and all this stuff. So there's there's a lot of different types of buoying, but there's definitely those. I feel like those two are the biggest ones. Yeah, and like what could kids do to kind of help? Because basically, as adults, we know that all in that stuff is laws, like it's just even if it's a truth, like Oh, so and so did this and they really did do that. The person who's doing the bullying or spreading the rumors, they're just like doing it to make themselves feel better, like it's not really because what that person did was so awful or impacts the world and such a negative way. And as adults we know that when a bully bullies, they're really because they're missing something in their own life. As teenagers, it's hard to understand that and believe that. What are some things that you know kids can do these days to not let bullying affect them, like to not let it hurt their feelings or hurt their brain or their self esteem. Always have one good friend that you can rely on or like a couple, we even be great, but definitely one that you can always rely on, because then if something like this happens, you can just go to that friend and they can like help you to like pick you back up. Or even if, because I know, and there's in situations where like me and then my one of my best friends, like will be hanging out with the bully at our school and then they'll say something about them and then later on we'll tell each other what they said about it about us. So, like if I was with the bully and then she and then this person says something about my best friend, then I'll go tell my best friend. Like so really just having like those people you can like rely on or like having like those role models that you can like go and like watch something or listen to music and just from like those like role models and then you feel better. Like when I'm upset, I'll watch like ZAC EFRON movies or like interviews or stuff like that, and then I'll feel better or I'll listen to music or something. Yeah, how do you not let negative comments on social media affect you? Like kids try to bully you on social media or leave you negative comments on social media? That doesn't happen to me too often, but it's definitely happened to my friends before, and I know they all be like really upset and they'll just like talk to people and just try to like see what they should do. Yeah, my recommendation would be to block and not let those people follow you no more, because that's not nice and it's just, you know, parents today, you know, it's just like every day. Our kids don't always come and talk to us and and we could, we can let them note it. You know, it's okay for them to come and talk to us and for us to be that outlet, but for a lot of times they're not going to do that, they're going to turn to their peers. So we kind of got to make sure that, you know, we know who our kids friends are and make sure that they're like cool role models and their accountable kids too, so that they can have each other's back. What about the kids at school that don't have any friends? I'm sure there's like a kid or two there that like nobody plays with. What should those kids do? Um, first, try to make crunds,...

...like I know they're certain kids. I like try to stay in their own bubble and like they'll just like they don't really reach out to people. Like try to like to reach out to people and like make friends first, and then if that doesn't work, then I just like try to get more involved with activities to then make friends. They're just really try to make friends if you can and like try to get out of your like own little bubble and then, if not, just find something else that you enjoy to where something like that happens. You can just turn to that thing. Turn to that thing that you enjoy, yeah, to kind of take the blues away. And then what do you think are some things for like kids that it's really easy to make friends? Do you think there's like anything that those kids can do to like, you know, if you're at school one day and you see like Oh, this kid who have gone to school with for like two years is still in their bubble and doesn't like make friends, is there anything that some of the more extroverted kids can do to like go try to make friends with that people? Those people, or most like bubble kids, just don't even want to make friends. Well, most bubble kids don't really want to interact with people, because I know people like me and my best friend will try to like socialize at those kids, but then they'll just like not do anything. They'll just stand there and like stare at us like we're crazy people. So I will try, like they have you met you? You are a tad big crazy. Oh yeah, I know that, but like they'll just be like wondering why we're talking to them and why we're trying to be nice to them, because most people don't like they don't really know what to do and like what to come of it. Yeah, well, the one tip that I got for grown ups out their kids out there and everybody is the more people you're nice to and the more you go out of your way to try to make friends with people and try to make people feel comfortable, the better things are going to be, because you never know, like what some other kids are dealing with. What are some of like the hard things that kids your age or dealing with? It? It might not be like your friends or kids, it's your school or kids at your dance company, but just like things that you have heard or seen through social media or the Internet, what are some of the troubling things that kids are going through right now? Well, Oh, I know my friend, like there's this one person that at our school that is just mean to people on and off, like they always have someone new to be mean too. So and they'll just be on and off, like depending on like they'll be like really mean to that person one day and then really nice to him the next day. So just like on and off bullies. And then like there's I know, this one person that gets like like she's this perch. She's very tough, well side and so she but she's small, so she's so she'll come to dance a lot with like bruises, like bad bruises, or like cuts, and we'll be like what happened and she'll be like, Oh, this kid punched me and and that's just like her school, like they're very like mean and like physical at her school. So, like, I've seen that before. And Yeah, okay, so getting punched is still a thing that happens. Yeah, like she almost got a broke apparently, this one can almost broke her nose the other day. Oh my goodness. Yeah, that's Public School for you. Yeah, so what are some other things? Like? What about I know, for instance, and you don't. I'm sure you deal with it a lot as like a reaction type thing, but your mom and I have been divorced for so long now that you probably don't remember like any of the things that were happy when we were getting divorced, because...

...you were such a little little girl. What about, like how does divorce do you know anybody whose parents are thinking about or going through a divorce now? Now? No, okay, so we don't know if that plays out. Sure, though, that does affect kids in a negative yeah. So what about, like what are some of the negative thing? Do you have any friends that have to see? That's the tricky part, though, because you go to such a good private school that not a lot of the families there are divorced because typically, once the families get divorced to save money, they because they don't focus. When when parents get divorced, they don't always focus on the kids, they focus on themselves. And I have to say that luckily for my exwife and I, when we were getting divorced, our number one focus was the girls and their education, in their wellbeing and all that stuff. That was more important to us than money. So we made sure that, you know, their education came first. But with a lot of divorced families they're more interested in the money aspects. So, like they take their kids out of private school and all the families that I know that have gotten divorced, that that have gone to bells school, they've sence left the school because they'd rather save money and then put their kids at the expense of their kids education. Yeah, so do you have any other friends that are divorced parents? Yeah, man, that was hard for her to think. What are some of their biggest troubles? Do you know, like you ever talk about it with them? Not Really, but it's more like just having to, I feel like. But both like with me too, you have to bring a lot of stuff because, like, you always want to have like this certain pair of shoes like to wear, like if you're with them over the week and you always want to have like a certain pair of shoes, is a certain outfit to can you bring all that over to that house? But them. So you have this a huge bag of stuff, post, your backpack, your lunch, your water bottle, like your dance bag, like whatever. You have all this stuff and then you don't really don't have anywhere to put in. So you have to do that a lot. So that can be really such, really stressful sometimes. But I think some I feel like it really just depends. Like I feel like for guys it can be easier because they don't really do. They don't really have very much stuff. But like, but they do like some kids. Yeah, like all their baseball, a quick Ya, hockey, you quick, like they don't have like they feel like guys typically have like that one pair of shoes or like they don't really just wear like tshirts and like basketball shorts, and they wear them, I feel, like three days straight. Yes, we do. So, but like girls have like this, like all these shoes, they have all their makeup and like all this stuff, and I don't want to spend money on getting duplicates for both houses. They want to bring it all over back and forth. So I know that's very stressful. Yeah, that's a pain in the butt. M Not just stressful, it's also a pain in yeah, so, parents living divorced, parents living closer to each other. It's easier, be easier, and then that once you're old enough to drive, then that situation probably won't be as bad because then you could just keep stuff like in the trunk of your car and yeah like that. But yeah, storing all that stuff is a challenge at school. So what as a teenager, what are some other like big issue items that you deal with like that? Some other parents out there like, because you and I have like a cool relationship, we can talk to each other. I know you don't talk to me about everything that you possibly could, and that's fine because as a teenager you also are learning the balancing act of like what to share with your parents and what to share with your friends and what to keep in your own heart and what's only share with God. But for a lot of parents out there, they don't have like their kids don't tell them anything at all. Yeah, what are some things that parents should be looking out for? Right now, like that their teenage daughters might be getting...

...into or might be dealing with, like mentally, Um, well, probably just like like bullies and stuff like. You always want to make sure that they're not getting bullied. Like if they come home one day with like where I don't like, bumps and bruises, like, you really want to make sure that they're not getting bullied, like they're always upset. You really want to make sure that there's not something wrong, because it could be a bigger situation than you think that you could you could think that they just got like a bad gray maid, but it could really be that they're getting bullied and stuff. So you really just want to make sure that that's not the issue. So always going to look out for that. And Yeah, just mainly just that. Do you think it's a good idea that parents monitor their kids social media so they can see, like, if people are leaving negative comments and things like that? I feel like yes and no, like it's always a good idea to make sure that your kids aren't like doing that sort of stuff, but I feel like also, kids just want to be kids. So sometimes I'm like their snapchats and stuff, they want to put stuff on their story, but then they're like wait, I can't because my parents will see it, or stuff like that's like it's always something that they want to be like, Oh, I'm shouldn't put this on there because my parents will see it, but at the same time it's like you want to put it on there, but you don't want to get in trouble for it. All right, give me an example. If something that you would want to put on your snapchat story but you think your parents would get mad about. Like if I saw like random person like that was like dancing, but like I don't know them and I was like, oh my gosh, this person's Hilariou if they're dancing in public for it, like no parents, like they're just in the line, like dancing in the grocery store, and I'd want to film that and put on Snapchat, but then I'd be like, I don't know this person, so I don't want to get in trouble. Yeah, yeah, see, and that's the thing with me. She'd get in trouble, yeah, if you get in big trouble, but with my wife, with her stepmom, she wouldn't get in trouble at all because she does the same thing. Yeah, at least I'm consistent, because when meg it does it, I tell her, hey, that's not nice. Don't do right. Yeah, it's not just like a kid thing either. I wonder if Megan does that, if she, liked doesn't put things on her story because she's afraid that I'll leave down. I doubt it. Like, I better not post this. Shawn's going to get mad. That's funny. Okay, so what are what are some tips like that you might be able to give to parents out there, since they can't like always monitor their kids social media and then, plus, you kids all have like extra social media accounts and like spam accounts and all that kind of stuff, so it's hard for parents to even keep up with all that. I love the point that you made where like at some point parents just have to let kids be kids, like you know, we have to just instill in them that one everything that they post or put online is forever and be try to keep other children, than other people's feelings into consideration when they post something, but in the same breath, kids are just going to be kids. Yeah, what are some other things, though, that parents should look for to make sure that their kids might like aren't getting cyber bullied or aren't cyber bullying somebody else? Um, really. So, like if always, I try to always have like a monthly like check to see like on like their devices to see, let's like just to make and like let the kids know this. So like you're not or like whenever, like just know their path like their phone password. So then like every once in a while you can like when they're like all gone, you can like go in and like check just to make sure. And so then they like they don't understand and they don't get like their feelings are, but then you like have an insight to see it, to like know...

...for sure what's going on. So because, like, I know my parents know all my passwords and stuff. So do you think it's better for a parent to just like check that stuff when the kids sleeping or to let the kid know, hey, I'm gonna go check your phone right now. Um, I feel like if you tell the I feel like it's always good to let the person know if you're going through their stuff. But like with that, if the kid is doing something wrong or something has happened to the kid, they're not going to want you to check it. Like they're not going to, like they'll hide it from you or like they'll do something so that you never check it. So, like, I feel like in some situations it's always good to just not say anything. You just check it at night, but at the same time it's like invading their space. So it is really depends. Like, if you think something's going on, then definitely, then they just do it when they're not and when they don't know, but if not, then just check this awesome. That's a great point. All right, we're going to take one last break. Now back to dad's with swag with your host, Shaun Up Onso. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sean alfonsocom. Check out our episode on family bonding on a budget. A great way to bond is cooking together. At our house we love hello fresh. It comes straight to the door every week with easy to read and step by step directions. All the ingredients are premeasured. That makes it fun and fast, a great meal the whole family loves. Go to hello freshcom and use Promo Code Swag thirty to save thirty percent off your first order. That's swag thirty to get your thirty percent off. All right, I just want to thank my beautiful daughter, Bella, for coming in the studio today and giving us this time and helping us kind of figure out what's going in the mind of a teenager. Any last things you want to say to audience before you go nope, nope, that's it. Just let your kids do what they want. Like, if they want to wear makeup, let them wear makeup. If they want to have fake nails because their nails don't grow because they abused to bite them are and try and get to get out of that habit, let them try that for a want for a little bit to see how it works. Just let your kids do what they want. Dad. Okay, that's her little speel to try to get me to do what she wants me to do. Good, try them, good, try everybody. Thanks for listening to DADS. With swag we out thanks for listening to DAD's sweat. Check out new episodes every Thursday or go to dad's with swagcom down the past episodes.

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