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Dads With Swag
Dads With Swag

Episode · 4 years ago

Puberty with Guest Jodi kay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Sean and  guest Jodi Kay talk all things puberty. From helping your daughter understand whats going on with her body to organic products to buy. rxbar.com/swag @yourcouchsean

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. You're listening to DAD's with Swag. We're your coach. Shawn has the tools to help you navigate some of life's ups and downs. Let's do it. Whether you're trying to balance work in life, going through a difficult time in marriage or trying to manifest that perfect mate, Shawn can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Loving husband and dadded two amazing girls. Your coach, shunk can help you Trin your dreams into goals and make them a reality. No more faking change. It's kind of start making change with the swaggy's out of them all. Your coach Seawan. Today, this week it's all about puberty. So, Fellas, get ready. We're talking all things puberty and I have a guest who is an expert in the field. Yeah, Jody, how you doing today? I'm good, Sean. Thanks for having me. My pleasure, my pleasure. I hope you're ready to talk puberty. I don't know about the expert part, but I'm going to do my best here. I'm ready to talk puberty, though. We're good. She's an expert. Don't, don't let her fool you. I've had taken one of her classes about puberty with some other dad's and we took this class and she schooled us. She taught us everything there possibly needs to be taught about puberty, from the emotional aspects to the feminine hygiene products to we even talked about like natural feminine hygiene products, like Or. Who would have thought? Like you know, there's organic in the produce isle but not in the Tampon isle. So it's good. It's kind of crazy, but let's just jump into this, jody, what made you want to start talking to parents and kids about puberty? So my background originally is a nursing I've been a nurse now for seventeen years and the main part about my nursing job that I've always loved is the teaching aspect. I work in labor and delivery, so I help people deliver their babies and I love that closeness that I can have with people when I'm teaching them how to take care of their new babies and what to do with them when they get home. So the teaching part is always been something that I've really been interested in, that I've always had an affinity for. So an opportunity came up a few years ago to start teaching some puberty education and I thought, Hey, I can do that. I've got kids, I can you know, I love this teaching stuff, so it was always something that interested me a lot, so I got into it that way. Cool. WHO. So all you must get asked a million questions all these classes you teach for MOMS, for daughters, for DADS, for sons. What's one of the funniest questions that anyone's ever asked you and want in one of these classes? I may have to think about that one. You know, there's there's a lot of questions as funny, because I get the the questions from the kids, I get questions from parents. I think the I don't know if it was the funniest question, but that one of the funniest experiences I had was teaching a group of Dad's and sons one time and I was teaching all about the female reproductive system and during that time of teaching about how women's bodies work and all that, I realized that there were a lot of dad's in the class or asking questions, and that's kind of how the class came to be. That that you and I did together. It was the dads were just asking all these questions and they were always doing it behind the guys. Of I just need to know this because I have my daughter and and the wheels start clicking in my head. I think dad's kind of need this information and I think they're totally being sly about it. So yeah, it was a good experience. We definitely need that that information. That's funny. So who asked when you when you have a class, is it the kids that ask more questions or the parents? You know, it's usually the kids, but during my break times I get a lot of questions from parents to you know, wondering just all kinds of questions on you know, what's normal, what you know how best to talk to their kids. The questions from the kids in the class there were the best. You know, they're so innocent and they're so just new to all this information. They're like little sponges that take all this information in and to watch them start from a place of knowing so little at the beginning of these classes to you know, I usually spend about two and a half hours together and at the end of this two and a half hours to see their faces light up and they're confident and they're talking about things that you would never think they talked about. It's just incredible. It's the best part about these classes. WHO's typically more embarrassed these classes? The kids with the kids are the parents. You know what, I actually think it's the parents a little bit, because there's this huge stigma associated with talking this with this information about, you know, to our kids, and it's the parents who kind of get uneasy and they're not sure how their kids are going to take it and how they're going to respond to to this kind of information. And the kids do great and...

...then the parents at the end they're like, oh my God, I had no idea that easy. Yeah, it's definitely something that is a challenge for parents to get over talking, you know, the conversation and all that kind of stuff. What are some ways in your household that you talk to your kids about puberty and about sex and about all these other aspects of life that we should have these challenging conversations with our kids? But there are some tips that you might have that you that have you have found helpful in your personal life? It's a great question. So you know a lot of what I've done over these last few years of learning about this is also learning on how to best talk to my kids about it and really talk to kids in general. But obviously I personalize it because I've got my daughters at home. So, you know, the biggest thing is is, you know, starting early these conversations, even with my littlest one. I try to make it so there's no stigma associated with these conversations, you know, trying to make no question out of bounds, and I've had some good ones by my daughters. They're they're really good at asking some pretty embarrassing questions and it's really about how you answer it, how you how you deal with with the shock of getting some of these questions before you actually answer them, you know, and just taking it one thing at a time, I mean, having that open communication between kids and parents. That's really the foundation of why I develop these classes. was that there is a huge stigma associated with how scary it is, and I understand that's one of the reasons why I started these classes is because I was I'm a parent too, and before I started teaching these classes I was kind of in that place of how am I going to talk to my kids about this so you know, and all the all the research that I've done on all the learning that I've done myself throughout this process. It's just making no subject taboo. You know, my kids know that they can come to me with any question and I'm going to answer it and it may take me a minute, I may have to get back to them, but just keeping that those lines of communication open so important. The communication is definitely, definitely an important thing for all aspects, you know, because then if they know they could come to you with the little questions, then one day they're going to come to you with the big questions. That's what I'm hoping, I think. I think a lot of parents, you know, proactive parents, parents that are planners and kind of plan out the events in their children's lives. We hope for those moments. I do know some parents, some moms and DADS, who hope not to get any of these questions. And it's funny because when we had your class invited some people that were definitely in, like Oh man, I can't wait, I want to do it, but then I had some friends that were like hell no, like I'm going to have them talk about puberty on their mom's weekend, like I hope her period comes on her mom's week and I'm like, but you realize you got a fifty percent chance of it happening on your time, buddy, so you better, you better prepare, because you're in for something. I always wishful thinking. Right. Definitely. Yeah. And then you want, like if a you know for boys breaking her heart or something, you'd like want them to come to you and be like Dad, what do I do? Like, because it you can easily explain it, like everyone suffers broken hearts. And High School, in college, you know, Middle School, and you get over it so fast, like I highly doubt any woman and their s or s or s are thinking about that little wot, you know, dirt bag kid that broke her heart. And Middle School, like it's just not going to be like it's not going to matter. Right, there's only a couple things, like the first guy you have sex with, yes, you're going to remember that for the rest of your life, so make that special, like don't give it up in the back of like a Volkswagen bug or something, and your first kiss, yeah, and your first case. Yeah, you're like those are things that you're going to remember, but like some guy you had a crush on and he didn't write you back, like, oh my gosh, it's Christ especially now with social media, like is getting even worse, because now it's like, oh my gosh, that boy didn't like my picture, or that boy didn't like like my snapchat video or my musically video or like. You know, it's crazy the way that these things are going, and if you can't have those communication skills open with your kids, then you're going to lose out on a lot and they're going to be kind of like shuttered because they're going to not have anybody to talk to you about it. So it's cool because that they know if they can talk to you about sex and periods and all these other emotions that are going on in our body, then they can talk to you about anything. Because, I'll how much easier is it to be like, Oh, Daddy, I like this boy, like after you just talked about like buying tampons? It you know, safe way, absolutely, and you can just take a breath and be like, oh, yeah, I can totally get that. Definitely all right. We're about to take a break here soon. So Sunshine of my life by Stevie wondered that was one of your songs you picked. Tell us why. Tell us why that song I mean something to you. I love that song. That was the song that I danced with my father at my wedding, so that was a pretty special song to me. My Dad has passed away and I always think of every when I when I hear it,...

I feel like this is something I know and fuzzy. Now back to dad's with swag with your host Shawn Up Onso. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sean at Sean alfonsocom. I love to get back to charity. Sometimes I find it hard to just cut a big check. I get so busy with the wife and kids. I'm more of a set it and forget it kind of guy. That's why I love the Angel Club. I can pick the amount I want taken out of my checking account every month. I never see the money, so I never miss the money and I could always feel good knowing I'm giving back every month. If you want to join the Angel Club, just go to Pierce Family Foundationcom with all of your pubity questions, because we have jody here who is a purity expert, at least defined by me rites of passages or writes of passage. So I joey, tell us a little bit about your experience. Did Your Dad Talk to you about puberty at all? Not really know. It's funny, you know, and I start a lot of my classes out by asking parents. You know how many of you had this comfort with this while you were growing up? You Know How many of you knew what you were getting into when you were going through these stages? And I very rarely get I sometimes will get one hand or two hands go up, but very rarely do I get very many more than that. And and I was a product of that as well. You know my I don't exactly remember where I learned about all this stuff from. I think probably my friends. Like most of us, my mom taught me a little bit about things, you know, as as I was going through stages, but as far as were babies came from and all that stuff. I think that was totally my brother and my friends. Yeah, funny, it's like same thing, same thing with me, like it was just, yeah, word on the streets. How you learned? Yeah, like, none. None, either. One of my parents like sat me down was like son, this is you know. I remember my Stepdad had like given me a box of condoms one time and...

...like that was our talk. I'm like okay, thanks, that just save me fourteen bucks because I've been having sex for years. But yeah, thanks a lot. How I don't need these now. Is there a big difference when you're teaching, when a parent wants to talk to their kids? Is there a big difference between talking to a boy or talking to a girl? I think there's a huge difference. In you're making me think of a mom who came up to me one time and she said that they had twins, so they were the same age. They were getting ready to have this conversation and they decided to each take a kid, so the mom took the daughter, the dad took the son. The MOM and the daughter were in there for like an hour having this amazing talk and when she came out, the dad and the sun were like watching sports and totally done. And she asked them about it and how long, you know how long they've been out there, and he's like, oh, for like fifty five minutes. So the Dad and the sun conversation was like five minutes, kind of like you're just saying, and the mom and the daughter had this like hourlong conversation where they discussed everything. And so huge culture difference between talking to boys and girls in this area and I'm kind of sad to see that actually, because I know just from teaching both boys and girls, my girls classes are much more fold than the boys. It's much easier to do, you know, to get parents to do classes with girls and it is to do with boys. Yeah, so what do you think? You can give some advice? So I'm coming at it from a dad who has two girls, but we have some listeners it are dads that have boys. What are some tips you can give them to better stimulate that conversation so they do have the hour long conversation with their kids, with their sons, as opposed to just five minutes. You know, there condom on and pray for the best, right. You know, I think the I've read something recently and it said, and you know, that this isn't just one conversation, which are totally believe in. You know, having the talk, the sex talk is should not, ever, just be one conversation. This should be something that starts very early on and for many of us. I mean I say that now, but obviously my kids. I didn't know that when I had them as babies. So I haven't been having a conversations with them since they were babies, but I've tried to ever since, you know, learning all this stuff, talk about them, talk about things in ways that are age appropriate for them. So no one not going to have the sex talk with me seven year old, but I do talk to her about her body and what's normal and we try to use the right memes for our body parts so that they get used to saying that. And even now, my nine year old, she, you know, she still thinks of other wars to use for her girl parts down down below. You know, it's like she still thinks it's funny to say the Word Vagina and you know she has a hard time with that, you know, and it's like, so we just talked about it and how it's okay to say this word and it's okay to use these these names for your body parts. Just making these conversations normal. That's the biggest thing, which I know is easier said than done, but if you do start them early, then you take a little baby steps as you go. It definitely becomes easier to have these conversations as they get older so that when they does come to the big conversation. This is what I say in one of my presentations. It's, you know, it the sex talk. Really there's not much to it. You know, the penis goes in the vagina. That's I mean, they're get that's the logistics of it. You know, once you get over this Gar of factor of having that talk, you can then move on to the stuff that isn't so scary. So sometimes as parents we just need to take a breath, yeah, you know, and realize that, yes, these are our kids, but we are their prim educators. You know, if we live in a society, I think that's what makes us so scary. We live in a society today where we in many respects, you know, there's a point where you can lose your kids if you don't have these conversations with them. They are going to go to other sources to get these to get this information, because they trust those other sources more, because they know what makes mom and down uncomfortable. They don't want to have that conversation where it's going to be uncomfortable for them, it's going to be uncofortable for you, so they're going to go someplace where it is comfortable. So if you can be the one to have that conversation with them, you're so many more steps ahead than others. Yeah, and then they're going to think they can't get pregnant if they just do jumping Jack's afters, exact crazy like that. Yeah, it's funny because since since my girls were little, I've always told them like smokings for losers, and even though they didn't know it's smoking was, I would always just say, you know, only losers smoke and look what do what he talk about that, and eventually they caught on it's what I was talking about. In the same thing with like say no to drugs, like what our drugs? I'm like, don't worry about it right now, just say no. And it's and it's kind of cool because it's the same thing with purity. You know, when you talk about it at a young age. It makes it so much easier at an older age. I know we had an event in my life and I'm not allowed to talk about it on the radio. I was given specific instructions because it just happened yesterday and I'm like, Oh, I'm going to bring that up on my show because tomorrow's my puberty day. It's like you better not, Daddy. I'm like all right, I won't. But it was so like seamless. It was just so like chill, like it's another Wednesday afternoon, just,...

...you know, walking through the grocery store, which was really cool because I kind of sat back and I was like man, that was just so chill and so relaxed and so unstressful that I was so grateful that I spent time preparing for that, because it brought my daughter's anxiety level like way down, like her nervousness, her fear factor was so minuscule because it was just like, you know, asking if she could have a flavor of ice cream. It was just so chill that I was happy. I was like, Oh man, this is, this is you know, it's not as bad as long as you put in the work and prepare and reach out to someone like you to take these classes and do these things and take these steps that are gonna, you know, set you up for success. It's like that old saying. What is it? If you something don't plan, you plan to fail or something like that. It's kind of like the same thing. You have to plan it out and you gotta, you know, get the education that you need and you realize that it's not too scary of a situation. It kind of flows right. Well, what's the main reason we don't do things? It's because we're afraid. Right, exactly known, and I get it. These conversations can be scary, but you're right. I mean, if you plan for it and if you take things peractively, as opposed to waiting for the moment it's going to happen and then, crap, I have to deal with this and what do I do? You know, there are ways that you can plan for this and, as much as we don't like to, it's one of those things that we, like you said at the beginning the show, we you know, there are parents parent these days. We plan everything. You know, we'll plan everything from what you know, every little detail about what the kids are wearing to every little detail. It's going to happen, not a playdate and what day the kids are going to do this. But when it comes these conversations, it's like hands off, yeah, and not going to talk about it, don't want to do it, that it's not going to happen. It's not gonna Happen on my watch. That's exactly. And then it's too late and it's like, okay, they were already having sex or they're already doing stuff that they shouldn't be doing, and then you're like man, I should have had this conversation years ago, right. And it's the same thing with like drugs and alcohol to I think you know, it's the same type of education to where you don't want to talk to them after they've already been hooked on Meth for a year. Like it's too late, buddy, like you should talk to them ten years ago, you know, but that's for another show. Drug addicts. I'm up to. It's definitely not my special jody doesn't do drugs. People just puberty. That's it. He got just puberty. All right. Isn't she lovely? By stevie wonder you pick that song. Tell us why that is. Symbolic of my three girls that I have every when we had girls that we my husband made videos and all three girls they have that song playing on their little baby videos. So makes me think of my girl. Now...

...back to dad's with swag with your host, Shaun up on some welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach Sawn and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sewan alfonsocom. With my family's busy schedule, we're always looking for healthy snacks. Are Go to snacks are R xbars. They're high quality and made with real ingredients and a label. Even I read enough about what's in our xbars. I really love what's not in them. No added sugar, no gluten, no soy, dairy or any of that bad crap. With Bell's crazy dance company schedule, I always make sure she has her favorite coconut chocolate ur Xbar and her dance bag for AVA mixed berries her go to school snack and they must have in her acting bag in case she gets hungry. Wifeie gets them at the Madison Improvement Club when she needs a little something something before spin class. Check them out at target for yourself or go to our xbarcom forward Swag and save twenty five percent once again. That's our xbarcom forward swag. For your twenty five percent off. We Have Jody K the rites of passage, live in studio talking all things puberty. I had. Yeah, there's a lot of DADS out there freaking out right now. So, jody, the thing I learned most from your class, besides choosing the right feminine hygiene products, you know, wings and not wings, all that kind of stuff. But the thing I learned most was the emotional aspect of things that girls and women as well. And so dudes that are with their wives still there, they have girlfriends or anything like that, is really good to bone up on this like emotional part, because it is so bananas like what go was through a woman's body during that time of a month. And one of the things you stressed to us was to not just like sweep it under the rug as like, Oh, you're being a bitch because it's that time in a month, but really be empathetic to the emotional side of it and as a dad of my daughter, that has helped me so much, like just taking a step back and just being empathetic about the emotions that are going through her body right now and all these different, you know, chemical reactions that are happening in her little, tiny body. That has never happened before and she's freaking out. And that's okay because if all that shit was happening to me, I'd freak out, like you know, if one of my sports programs isn't on the time it's supposed to be on and they are playing some dumb soccer game in a far off country. I'm pissed off now if I got like chemical reactions going on like you just so when you take a step back and you become empathetic to the situation, that really helped me a lot. Can you explain a little bit to the audience about these emotions that they're, you know, adolescent preteens are going through when they start this puberty thing? Yeah, it's so I don't know if you remember, in the class there was I searched in search and search. Well, developing eas uses on for hormone charts,...

...on the difference between what men go through with our hormones and what women go through with our hormones. And I have this really great chart of, you know, the men and the only thing I could find was what testosterone does over your lifetime. I couldn't find anywhere a monthly fluctuation of testosterone and what it does to men. And so then I have my lovely female chart, which I wish you could see my hands right now. But our emotions are like spaghetti all over the place, you know. It's like we've got these hormones and and the charts are up and down and all over the place every single month. So you know, and and that's kind of what I was how I start the class with the dad's is, you know, explaining that this, this whole this is, you know, this is not only great for your daughters, it's good for women in general. So I'm not going to actually advertise it as a you know, get to new your lady better, but you know it can help you with all women really in general, because whether it be the love of your life or your daughters or whatever woman is special in your life. Understanding what our emotions go through on a monthly basis. It's pretty crazy. You know. Some people are able to manage it pretty well and some people have a little bit of a harder time. But you know, the biggest piece of advice and caution I like to give dads is one never, ever, ever accused a woman of pmssing. That's like aunt I don't ever or just don't go there. You know, there's we can't control that and and I can only speak from personal experience, you know, I sometimes during different times of the month. You know, it's you feel like you're out of troll and you can't control how you're feeling and you don't know why you're crying and you don't know why you want to eat that chocolate bar so bad, but you're going to anyways. You know, and and this is all this role of hormones that we you know, we can't really without having that medical background of it. You don't really know where it's coming from, but it does make you feel a little bit crazy. And and understanding it, and you know, having Dad's especially where they're able to understand, you know, their girls. I've got a daughter right now who's right in the midst of all this, and sometimes she comes out with like steam coming out of her ears and her head is rotating around and and I have to sometimes just sit back and look at that and be like, okay, this is hormones, you know, I can't hold this against her, you know, and really watching how you respond to that, because in that emotion, the heat of the moment, you can, you can respond to it in ways that you don't really want to, you know, and not understanding where it's coming from. And that chart, you can't see it. Maybe maybe I'll get a I have the packet, so maybe I'll scan it and throw it on my website. It's unbelievable, like that chart is an eye opener. Like, dudes, our testos drone from like puberty till we die. Is Pretty much a straight line. There's a little bit of a decline, like once we start. I think it was like forty or fifty or something like that. It just starts to decline a little, but it's declining at a steady pace. Then you look at the woman's chart and it's like the stock market or something. This is up, down, of down, of down, up down. It's crazy, but that's a great eye opening like example, and it just hit you in the face. As a I like Holy Shit, like this is what they're going through it. It definitely opened my eyes and and it's funny too, because, like my oldest day, Isabella kind of does the same thing. She's on the you know, beginning, beginning part of it, but there could be like one moment, yeah, we're like smokes coming out of her ears in her head, spinning around, and then like ten minutes later she like, Daddy, could I cuddle with you? I'm like, hold on, saying like you was just telling me that you dislike me more than any other person on this planet, because maybe not like you so much because I wouldn't like let you, I don't know, go swimming or whatever it was that you wanted to do. I wouldn't take you to the store to buy more post it's, and now you want to cuddle. I'm like all right, so like taking that visual aid and like it's like branding that in your brain to where you can like take these moments and kind of take a step back and back. I hold up. She's just being her like and it's hard. It's got to be difficult to especially. It's probably a challenge when you're your s and s, but it's got to be even more of a challenge when you're in your teens, because you're not even getting used to you yet, like you haven't discovered who you are, and now the you that you think you might know can change every five minutes, like it's Freaky, like I wouldn't build and I guess that's why God just has women go through that stuff, because do as we'd be messes, man. That's where we have our girlfriend's. Yeah, like we may be hot, but I don't know very many guy because in general, men don't like change, like we like everything nice and simple and easy, and it's like, you know, if we had to go through that, not just one month, because that's the cool thing about your chart. It just doesn't show like, Oh, it's two or three days a month, like it's on the daily, like it the chart was very it fluctuated a lot. If we had to do that, Oh man, we no way. It'd be bananas. What's the tip that you...

...think you can give some dads out there, if there's any MOMS, listen, and parents out there in general on like a fun way say you kind of missed the boat on bringing it up when there were five, six, seven, eight, nine years old, ten years old, and now their kid is, you know, Eleven, twelve, thirteen. What's the way that some parents can just bring it up, like just rip the bandaid off and bring it up, but still do it an impactful way? I think there's different ways for different families and that's the beauty of you know, the when I teacher a very fact based so they get the facts and then the values in the beliefs that are individual. Teach family. That gets to happen in your home. So and that is going to be different for each family. I mean you know it. It has to be a comfort level for the parents as well as for the kids. So, you know, I always say start sin fault. You know the conversations you can you can start with a very basic conversation and turn it into something else without anybody even knowing that you were going there, which is great. You know, that surprise element even better, because then your kid has no time to be like, Oh my God, I'm some more to fight. You know, I can't believe my dad has having this conversation with me. You know, but I know we've talked about it a lot before, especially since we're here for the dad show. You know, you can't underestimate the importance of the relationship between a dad and his daughter. That one, you think, needs to be really highly stressed. You know, we, we always do kind of tend to go with the the same sexes as what we are. So Mom's, a lot of times we talk to their daughters. Dad's get the job of talking to the suns, you know, and and there's no reason that that has to be that way. We've had several conversations where it's, you know, the You dad's, you know out there are setting the stage for what your daughter will look for and husband some day. No pressure, dad's like totally no pressure. There's some laws. A loser, your fall buddy, totally, you know. So especially, you know whether you're having the sex talk with your daughter or, you know, how talking about periods with your daughter, which is great if you can have that, if you have that comfort level with her, but even just the importance. You know, so many times the it's just underestimated how important it is just for dad's and daughters to go off and have a date night and just talk about anything. Talk About Boys, talk about friends, talk about anything, talk about what was going on in school. DADS are so important in their daughters lives. It's huge relationship I think often gets overlooked. Yeah, I like that aspect of just taking a slow maybe start the conversation of up on something and then kind of flip it halfway through, and even bringing it up, like you said, like on a daddy daughter date night or a father son date day. You know, that's great opportunity to kind of bring that up. You know. Yeah, you'd be surprised at what kind of conversations come out of just even simple questions. Yeah, you know. I mean I've asked my daughter. Again, I probably can't say because she'd be mortified if she knew it was on the radio, but I've asked my daughter if she knew about certain things and in the world and you know with regards to these kind of conversations, and you know, her answer was no and I said okay, well, Hey, let's have a conversation here before camp while we have an hour. You know, it was you know. So the conversations come out of totally innocent places and you never know when it's going to come up and if you have that time alone. That was one day I had time alone with my daughter and I had dropped her sisters off a camp already. So I'm like Hey, I'm going to take advantage of this, and we were just sitting in the car wasting an hour and that's when I decided to ask her if she knew, you know, about some some stuff and and she had no idea. And, Nice of all, I'm going to tell you because I want you to know before you hear about it somewhere else. Yeah, you know, and that's the biggest piece of it, as if we as parents can get to our kids before they hear about it. So many parents think that, you know, my kids innocent. I want to preserve their innocence and and having these conversations is not destroying their innocence. It's making them well informed and able to make good decisions in the future because they've had your guidance as to what's important. Kind of like you said of smoking, if you're going to sit there and tell your kid over and over again smoking isn't good, smoking isn't good, you can do the exact same thing with conversations like sex and you know, all these other beliefs that we have. You just have to get them first, before their friends get to them, and give them that foundation that they missed having from their parents. Yeah, definitely. It's funny how we don't stress like you know, sex talks or love talks or anything like heartfelt and we give you know, we spend so much time, as I know you do, to as a parent that really cares about our children's education, and we spend so much time focusing on the right schools and the right teachers and you know, all this stuff. But then a lot of parents missed the step of talking about the stuff that's really important because, when you come down to it, the odds of my daughter really using a lot of math on a day to day basis are probably slid the night. They're probably going to use their calculators just like I do, but the odds of them having sex, getting their heartbroken, getting in fights with...

...their husband, yelling at their kids, that's a guaranteed like. All of that stuff will happen. All of those emotions that they need to learn to deal with are going to happen in their life, but as parents we don't want to talk about that stuff. Right but we'll focus so intently on like the right schools and, you know, the right this and the right that in the right college and all this other stuff. But you know, if you don't talk to your kids about the emotional stuff and the heart stuff and all of the feelings, it doesn't really matter what school they go to or what college they get into. They could get screwed up anyways. You know, they had. So I think this stuff is so important to kind of be proactive and just do it, you know, just get out there and have these conversations and then the rest of the conversations will come so much easier. You know so much like you know, whatever it is down the road that happens in your kids lives, they're going to know that. Man, that puberty talk was so easy that I can probably talk to my dad about, you know, wanting to have kids or not wanting to have kids or, you know, do I or don't I want to marry this dude, like, because all these conversations will have added up and you to build this big Bank of trust already, and it starts at this young age with puberty. Apparently. Absolutely I love it. This is great contact info at your coach, Sean, Sean, shut up on SOCOM. Don't forget. You can call in for it. O Four, two hundred and twenty six for Oh, we're live on a start worldwide network. So your two songs, we're stevie wonder songs, and it was the first time I ever had a guess that picked both two songs by the same artist. So and I always try to pick my song to kind of coincide somewhat with their songs. So I'm like, forget it, I'm just going to pick a stevie wonder song as well. So you stole my favorite Stev Wonder Song. Isn't she lovely? Because, like your husband, that was also my daughter's and eyes first dance as well, in the hospital. So that must just be like a thing's Dad's do your. I thought I was original, but you guy kids older than mine, so apparently I'm not original. I'm and I didn't youtube it because I don't even think you two was around yet. But yeah, it's crazy, but I did pick a stevie wonder song. So I picked my shrry because I just love that song. I think it's such like a beautiful romantic song. And we're talking about dads were talking about daughters. We're talking about love and guys. Like I've stressed a million times, you are your daughter's first love. Every love that comes after you will be compared to you, will be sized up to you. So, like I said before, if you're son in law's a loser. If for boyfriends are losers, if she's Day needy, it's as your fault because you're the one that's send the example. So, if you want her to date a man of character, be a man of character. If you want her to date a man of integrity, be a man of integrity and never stop loving your daughter. Stevie, wonder my Sharey of more the beasts the Yoki way. Sometimes cry. You never know what you tell me. Now back to dad's with swag...

...with your host, Shaun ups. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sean at Sean Alfonso, doc calm. Are you a dad that has no idea where to get the perfect birthday gift that last minute birthday party your kid just told you about? Wife he's on a girl's trip and you need to find swaggy things to do with the kids. Make sure you go to the one stop shop made for Dad's by DAD'S A Z, dad'scom. We could dad's a swag. We're here live in studio, but Jody K, founder of the rights of passage. Any questions you have on puberty? Feel free to hit us off social media, at your coach Sawan email, as Shan Shan off Oncom you calways call in for it. Thousand and two, one, zero six for Oh and Jodey's wondering why no one's calling in asking about puberty. She has like this concerned look on her face, like you guys don't want to talk about puberty. Really, come on, but it's a little nervous. everyway is a little nervous. But we did get an email question. So I'm not really good. My listeners. No, I can't do two things at once, so it's really hard and it's a longer email. So I'm trying to paraphrase here, but basically the nuts and bolts is it's from a mom, so she first apologize for not being a dad, but asking a question, and that's quite all right. MOM's out there feel free to ask all the questions you want. This is for you guys as well. Everybody can gain from this knowledge. And if your daughter is dating a jerk, make sure you lean over to your husband and tell him that as his fault if you're listening to the show, and then sell him to start listening so we can step his game up. But basically, this mom wants to know if she could have some tips on talking to her son about purey. She's a single mom and her sons ten and she thinking that like pretty soon might be the time to start talking to him about puberty, and what are some tips you might have for her? Great, I'm so glad to hear from a mom too. That's exciting because then I'm not the only mom here in the studio today. So yeah, know, that's a great question. You know when, and I did not mean to just jump to the topic of sex as well. That's you know, there's a huge part of it that's overlooked, as well as just the puberty part, and so many people think that puberty is only, you know, with girls, about periods. You know, with boys, just about growing up and directions and all that. You know that other stuff that goes along with but there's so much more to be dealt with when it comes to talking to your kids about puberty than just those couple topics. You know, and it kind of goes along with that. Start Simple, start easy. You know, puberty for boys, I mean that starts with everything from getting taller and your voice changing and, you know, growing hair in different places in your body. You know, if and it's there's a couple rules of them. You know, there's some people are are comfortable talking about it. If you're comfortable talking at it again, I would start slow. I would just start with, you know, some of these normal things that that are going to be changing in your body. A really great piece of vice that I usually love to give parents has is get a book. You know, either whether you're going to sit through and read that book with your child or you're just going to give the you know, your child the book to read on their own. There's two different ways to go about it. You know, I've had parents come up to me and that they got a book and, you know, once a week they go through that book and they they digest it and they go through all the information and they have conversations with their kids about the different things that are coming up in the book. And and that's a great way to be involved into actually get those conversations started, whether you let them read it on their own, you know, or you read it with them, making sure that you're having those conversations that go along with it. It can just be as simple as giving them a book. But what you're missing when you give them the book is that you're not there the questions that the kids have and, you know, the things that...

...they they're not totally sure on and digesting some of the stuff that they're reading. It's really great to have backup conversations with them about that. Start simple with, you know, here's some things in the shower that you need to keep your body clean, you know, because boys get stinky, boys with puberty. They need to know, of all, about deodorant and they need to know about taking care of their bodies and you know, things like that that we oftentimes overlook and that's a big conversation I get from parents in my classes is Gosh, you know, I thought we'd had these conversations but we've never dealt with them in this much detail, you know, and and it can just be simple, you know, the more and if you're talking about things like keeping your bodies clean, what a great way to start talking about what's normal with your body and why is it important to keep your body clean? So the conversations can definitely start simple and work their way up from there. I definitely were at you know, especially for people who are having troubles, get a book, see if see if that'll help. Look, get stuff on the Internet, read stuff together. This is not only bonding with your kids, but it's also, you know, it's just great way to start conversation. Was There a book that you recommend for parents out there? You know, there's a lot of books actually that I really like. And on my website, do they have that information? I do, but give it to him again. There it is. Okay, it's www, dot rights of passage, DOT Biz, and it's our itees and don't forget the DOT Biz on my shop section at the end, at there's I have a listing of a lot of the books that I recommend that have been really good and helpful for me, not only when I've been looking for information. There's a lot of websites out there. Kids Health Dot Org has a great website. They have a section. You can either click on it if you're a parent or you can click on it as a kid. So it speaks to different languages and different ages and and, you know, different subjects and stuff like that. There's a great search thing. So, yeah, all my books are listed on there that I recommend. Great. There's some really great books out there and their kid friendly. So you literally can hand a young, even eight to nine year old book and they would be totally fine reading it. So cool. And then right before the show's over here in a couple minutes, I'm going to have jody give all of her contact information out again. Website, email, social media, phone numbers, everything that she has. So you guys get a paper and pen ready so you could take down that information and you don't have to keep rewinding the show. Even though you can't feel free to. I wonder if I get more like listens, if people rewind and fast forward. Wonder how that works, or to hold a passage. Yeah, you could like help my analytic game up, because I know this analytic thing is important for the for people out there. So, yeah, you could just listen to the show numerous times to get her website. But no, grab a fan of paper. Will give it to you here at to end, before we finish out here. What would you think would be the number one tip and dealing with puberty, like the number one golden puberty rule to end the show on would be? You know, it's hard because I think we've just been kind of talking about it the whole time. I mean, the number one goal, and if you look at my website, it's the first thing you see on my website, is, you know, puberty is tough, but talking about it shouldn't be. You know, it's that communication piece you have to figure out some way, you know, whether it be in taking a class and reading a book and going online, you know, and having them attend something at school, there has to be that communication piece. You know, it's our society with with kids these days. You know, they are learning more and more from outside sources that are not reliable and they get some dangerous information out there. You know, we live in a world today where there's, you know, Google and you can google even the most innocent thing and you know, eight nine year olds are being exposed to things that they are not ready to process or understand it. Also, you know, you have to be there with them, you know, not necessarily sitting by them monitoring every single second they spend on line, but, you know, helping them to digest the information when they do get it. And communication is the biggest piece of that. Is that if there are not afraid to come to you because they see something confusing or some things that you don't understand, you have to have that piece with it. So it's all about communicating. Definitely all right, go ahead, give the listeners all of your contact information so people can contact you. Maybe take one of your classes. That I highly, highly, highly recommend. If you're in the Phoenix area or you plan to be in the Phoenix area, you have to take one of these classes. Or if you're somewhere else in the United States, or maybe somebody are somewhere in the world, you get a group of friends together, maybe you can convince jody to fly on out come teach a private class for you guys. I there's probably nothing more that I would recommend. I think this is one aspect that I think I recommend more than anything because this conversation leads to so many more positive conversations. And I'm a huge like school person, like education is so important to me and I spend so much time researching schools. But, as you know and I know, schools change all the time, like principles change, teachers change their...

...school, drama, PTA drama, all kinds of drama. So that would typically would have been like number one on my priority list of Dad's things you need to do that are really, really important, but now I've kind of dropped that down a little because there's so much change in that that you can't affect this. It's all about your kids and you can affect every aspect of it. So the education and this part of your child's life, I think, is so important. So give them that information. Jody. So, my a website again is wwwright passage up is. I have my email is jody Jodi at the rights of passage dop is, and I can be reached my voicemail. As for zero, zero, two, four, three one, it's Jody K all right here. Listening to live DADS is so ICOM. We're on the star worldwide network. You could email is sewn Shan Alfonsocom all social media at your coach Shawn Sean Alfonsocom. Dad's with Swagcom, star worldwide Networkscom. There's APPS, there's apple's itunes, all kinds of stuff. Listen to the show, tell your friends and remember, talk to you kids about puberty. We out. Thanks for listening to DAD's sweat. Check out new episodes every Thursday or go to dad's swagcom download past episodes.

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