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Dads With Swag

Episode · 4 years ago

Rejection

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Sean talks all things rejection in this episode. Why do we fear rejection? How can we get over rejection. Do we have to hold on to rejection for so long?

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. You're listening to dads with Swag, where your coach Shawn has the tools to help you navigate some of life's ups and downs. Let's do it. Whether you're trying to balance work in life, going through a difficult time in marriage or trying to manifest that perfect mate, Shawn can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Loving husband and dadded two amazing girls. Your coach Shunk can help you Trin your dreams into goals and make them a reality. No more faking change. Is kind of start making change with the swaggy'st out of them all. Your coach Shawn. What is up? Yes, welcome back to the swaggiest studios of all, the dad's with Swag Studios. We got a great episode of Dad's with Swag this week. We're talking all things rejection. Man, nobody likes to get rejected. You know what I'm talking about. Rejection is horrible, but it happens so much in our life we're constantly either a in fear of rejection or fearful that we're rejecting somebody else right because it happens so often that rejection is just a typical part of life. And how how do you respond to rejection? You know, I know me, me personally, I don't spawned well to rejection, you know, because I think, you know, I think maybe when I was a kid I might have got rejected a time or two about something and it sticks with you, you know. I know like I have and I don't know if it's just like being a s baby or what it whatever it is, but dude, I got like huge stranger danger issues, you know, like I got these stranger danger issues that now they've they've tracked me through adulthood. Right. So it's like I have issues what like if I'm at starbucks, are I'm someplace in public, like I have like a hard time approaching a stranger right, because I'm like either a I feel that they're going to reject me or be like they're going to try to do me some type of harm, right, and when, in reality, a they're not going to reject me, because, like if you ever said what's up to somebody and they haven't said what's up back? Or a better way to look at it, has anybody ever said high or hello to you and you haven't said high or hello back, like you just breathe on by him. Right. I highly doubt it, because ninety nine percent of the time people are going to say what's up back? If you smile, people going to smile back. It's the way that it works. It's like the law of attraction, right. Everybody talking about the secret in the law of attraction and all this shit, and it's kind of the same thing, right. It's you know, I prefer to look at it like from a biblical standpoint. You reap with you so so ...

...it's kind of the same thing. If you sew a whole bunch of smiles in life, you're going to get a whole bunch of smiles back. You Reap what you sup so how do you respond to rejection? Do you get mad? You get angry? Do you get hurt? Do you get depressed? You get sad? You know me personally. I get angry. Right, I get angry if I feel like I'm about to get rejected or I just got rejected. I get mad or I do this other thing. It's like the thug life, you know what I'm saying? Like I put my hat down low, I throw my Hoodie on over my hat, and I probably got my beats on as well, like crank and loud, so everybody from like a six foot radius can like hear the base coming out of my beats, right, because I don't want to get rejected. I don't want to be prone to starting conversation with somebody and then them not wanting to converse with me, which is weird, because I've gotten some feedback because, you know, a while ago I went and did this thing where I asked people to like criticize me. Right, let me know where some opportunities in my life that I can grow and expand and be a better person and a better Christian, a better man of God and a better dad and a better future husband and all these aspects of my life where I can enhance and I can be better. And one of the things that I got was to be more engaging, because a lot of people took it, took my insecurity as conce neededness or cockiness or I'm too cool for them, when in fact that wasn't the situation at all. Right, so we have to also be really cognizant of why we take on, why we put our shit on other people. Right, like, at no point was I trying to be better than somebody or cocky or conceited or anything like that. I was just insecure, right. I was just didn't know how to strike up conversation. I was just extremely inverted. I still am extremely introverted. So I probably shouldn't say I was, because I am extremely inverted. So if you see me out in public and I'm looking as if I'm being evasive or shy or but you're probably not going to take it as shy, right, you'll probably be like, Oh, if I see you in public and you think I'm looking too cool for school, come and say what's up, because it's just the fat. That's just the fact that I'm a very introverted person. Right, I'm fearful, you know, somebody must not when I was in elementary school or something, somebody, I must have said what's up to somebody and they didn't say what's up back. So now that Shit's carried me on to my adulthood, right, because now I'm fearful of that. You know why? And the other thing is too, is like why does rejection hurt so bad? Why do we really care with what other people think or do or say? Like, I'm gonna you know, I'm going to try this this next week. I'm going to try to just smile and say hi to people and I'm not...

...going to pay attention to their response. I'm not going to allow they're smiling back, or what's up back or hey, how you doing back to affect my desire to smile and say hi to people. I'm going to try that for a week and I challenge all you guys to try it, to hit me up on social media at your coach Shan and let me know how that's going for you. You know, is it working? Are People smiling back, or it like, are you just being in a happier person right because we're not going to look at the outcome. So are you just are you happier because you were engaging more with the general public right now? There's a lot of extra verts out there that are going like, oh my gosh, that's the easiest thing in the world. And for a lot of people it is the easiest thing in the world. Like for wifei easiest thing in the world. Like she'll hit me up, she'll be like, oh my gosh, just had the most amazing conversation with some lady at the Nail Salon and they plan in trips to Disneyland and stuff like. Are you kidding me? I'm like, I've been going to the same starbucks for five years. I've talked to two people right because it's different. There's different challenges. But why are we so afraid of rejection? What is it like? Are we rejecting ourselves? What type of insecurities do we have that are causing us to be fearful of rejection? We're going to dive into that, but before that, this this whole episode, all the music is by the Beastie Boys, all from their license to l album. I love not beastie boys, and run DMC was one of the first concerts I ever went to and I don't even know it's in the bay. I don't even know if it's still there or if it's called a different name or whatever. But back in the day was shoreline amphitheater and me and my boy Chris, I'm not going to say his last name because I ain't gonna put them on blast or whatever, but me and my boy Chris went to run DMC and the Beastie Boys. His Dad drove us to the concert and his dad was so cool that he waited in the parking lot for us like to come out, and I remember, man, that this that concert was so cool. Man, I loved it. I loved it. But one of the cool things I remember about it is in the concert when they started singing brass monkey, these knuckle heads was spray brass monkey all over the crowd and we was like kids in a candy shop. So my first break, you know what, the time it is brass monkey, beastie boy. That's what he is. I you feel you finish...

...the car with Charlie shippers. Wherever we go, we re FUNKY'S B almost definitely come on this time to get nice. Get kind of fucking me and the crew with Jink, you, brass month shill. I mixed in the cup, went over to the girl. Baby was sim get it stuff winning. I show my cry, put the girl down, sticks a big Gos round right, thinking cool, take place at the back. Feels I'll get a single. Good, he got fifty. Get feet to a ball. Girls giving you in the track. Don't Bud got my time. That's go. Give it. You got the come on, everybody, let's get it Fros. Now back to dad's with swag, with your host Shawn up on some welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sean at Sean alfonsocom. I love to get back to charity. Sometimes I find it hard to just cut a big check. I get so busy with the wife and kids. I'm more of a set it and forget it kind of guy. That's why I love the Angel Club. I can pick the amount I want taking out of my checking account every month. I never see the money, so I ever missed the money and I could always feel...

...good knowing I'm giving back every month. If you want to join the Angel Club, just go to Pierce Family foundationcom rejection. Do you reject people before they can reject you? I know that I do that all the time. Right. I don't want to be the dude that gets rejected, but so I don't put myself out there right. I don't. I don't put myself out there or, like I remember, like you know, back in the day, for a long for quite a long period of my life. You know, I wasn't like I send in different ways, like that's the thing you got to remember, like everybody sends differently, so you can't, you can't throw shade at somebody who sends differently than you do. And there was a time in my life where, you know, I was sinning without as out of marriage, sex, out of love sex. Let's just say that, because I'm not quite sure if, like how the Bible defines marriage, you know what I'm saying, like is it? Is it just an agreement between you, God and that other person? You know, I don't know it said. Will do a whole nother episode on that, but I was having sex out of love, right, I was. I wasn't in love with the person. It wasn't in love with me, and most of the time it was a one night to night, probably not a three night stand. Right, three nights would probably been the Max. And I rolled that way for a long period of my life and it's not something I'm proud of. It's just it is what it is, and I did what I did, but now that I look back in retrospect, I think a lot of those meaningless sexual relationships I cut out quick because I didn't want to get rejected. I didn't want to be the one that got broken up with. I'd rather be the breaker upper, you know, because I don't want to get rejected. So I'm going to tell you piece out and it's curtains before you tell me that right, because I was too afraid to be able to hear what might possibly be wrong with me or might be some of my inadequacies in a relationship. Right now, I've done so much like work on myself that now I would take it as a compliment, you know, if somebody comes up to me and truthfully, like from their heart, gives me constructive criticism on things that I can do better to be a better man. Right now, people have told me crazy stuff like you know, Oh, you, you're this or your that, or you know, all these crazy things, and I know that a lot of it stems from their own hatred and their own heart, but I'm talking like real deal. I would, I would, I be honored if somebody said, Yo, Shan, you know, the last six months to a year I've noticed X, Y and Z, you know, because a lot of times you don't know what you don't know.

But I know that I've acted like a knuckle ahead and before, and I'm sure all of you have as well, because you were afraid of getting rejected, so you wanted to reject people first. Right, it could happen in business, it could happen in love life all the time. And then that kind of brings me to this next thing. You know, what are some of the ways that people overcompensate so they don't feel rejected? Right, like there's some people that get so hi fi and so like above life that they put themselves like in this bubble way up high so they don't have to worry about getting rejected. I've noted this. I've noticed it a lot from people who go through a twelve step program right. Have you ever or like our New Christians? Both of them are kind of to me and my brain are both kind of the same. Right, have you ever met somebody who is like unlike step six, right, and they're all bought in to the twelve step program which is an amazing program, like it's saved live saves millions of lives, and I support it one hundred and twenty percent. I think it's an amazing an amazing thing. But we all know that dude right who's in the middle of the twelve step program and you can't even talk to him anymore because they are so on high, they are so overcompensating for this disease that they have that you can't even and deal with it. And all they want to do is preach about how fucked up your life is and what you need to do to change. Right, they're overcompensating. And sometimes, when you've been battling you know, when you've been battling the demon for so long, sometimes you have to overcompensate because you don't want to fail. You don't want to get rejected, you don't want this program to reject you. You don't want to fail this program, so you overcompensate. It's the same thing with new new Christians. Right, you get somebody who's new to God and they got the fire a Jesus up in the ASS and now they preaching to everybody. Right, they're reading their daily devotionals and like whatever they read and their daily devotional or whatever is their verse of the day, they're like preaching it all day long. You know, they're like I am my brother's keeper. You know they're like only God can judge. You know they're like, through all things, you know, Christ saves me. You know they're like Philippians for twelve, thirteen, I can do anything through Christ right, and they're just like that's the worst of the day and now they just preaching it. They're overcompensating. But it's because they don't want to get rejected by their fellow Christians. They don't want to feel they want to feel like they're adequate right, they want to feel like they're knowledgeable, like they have something to contribute to the conversation. So they go way up, way up above, because they don't want that rejection. They don't want to feel that rejection when in fact, like as a Christian, a good Christian, not like a...

...whack of do Bible thumper, sinning in the closet type Christian. I'm talking about like the real deal. I know that God, that you know, God loves me and that Jesus died for my sins, because I am a sinner. And you know, practice makes the best I can do and I'm going to keep doing the best I can do. And I will never be perfect, because only God, only Jesus, is perfect. I don't know. I could strive for perfection, but I can only be better today than I was yesterday. And so, you know, these new Christians, when I see him at Church, I'm like, I love you no matter what, man, no matter what like, no matter where you came from or what you plan on doing, I love you and Jesus loves you. And you don't have to constantly be talking about your sins and sins and sins over and over again, because you already been forgiven to those. So just let it go and you don't have to always talk about how you know amazing Jesus is in your life. Just show it right, just show it, just be happier and kinder and don't worry about their rejection, because what's going to happen to? Somebody's going to come up to and they gon'll be like Yo, Bob, dude, you been Hella happy lately. which changed in your life? You'd be like, I went to church, Jesus found me again. I was lost, but now I'm found right, and people be like damn, and then that's a great way for you to say, Hey, man, you should come with me next Sunday thirty let's you're all, I'll pick you up, right, because that's the way you can really impact somebody's life and that's a way to do it without rejection. Right, because you're not going to care of the outcome. You're not going to care if homeboy says yeah, Dude, I'm down or not. Man, that's cool. I'm tripping on that church business. I got football to watch on Sunday. You know, you're not worried about the outcome. But what happens is a lot of people start preaching on that soapbox, throwing out versus, throwing out scripture, talking about Jesus loves us all, and you are center for not coming to church with me, right. But a lot of people do that because then they don't have to put out the ask and then they don't have to worry about feeling that rejection. And why does it have to be so damn hard to get over rejection? That's what I don't understand. Like, why do we and I don't know if this is a global problem or like more US problem, right, because I ain't travel the why? I know world traveler. I've been to a couple spots here and there, but I you know, I wouldn't consider myself global, but I don't know if this is just a US problem or like a global problem, but we hold onto rejection for a long, long time, like I know for me personally,...

I could remember a lot of times I was rejected about something, you know, where I put myself out there and I got shot down, got rejected. You know, this relates a lot to to the dating game, right. Remember, remember when you was like in your late teens and s and you would just be bummed out right. You just be bummed out because you ask some girl out or asked, you know, to take them to the movies or buy them a drink or whatever it may be, and you got shot down and you bummed. You bummed as hell. But in one of your buddies, right when, in every group got this like elder wise man and a crew right. So somewhere, whether it's an uncle, whether it's a friend, this HAP this happens to probably most every dudes out there and it probably happens to women to but I'm not a girl, so I have no idea, but somebody will tell them or tell you, hey, young but don't worry, it's all a numbers game. Get on out there. If one girl says no, ask five Mo because eventually one's going to say yes, right. And that is a crazy way of thinking. That's a crazy way of thinking. That's basically going out there and being like Yo, I don't care if I get turned it down four times, that one time going to do it right, and it's like, hopefully, hopefully, people are raising young men differently these days, you know, to say hey, you know what, instead of playing the numbers game, find somebody that interest you and pursue that, because quality is way, way, better than quantity. Right. So I hope like there's people teaching this young generation of young men, this next generation of young men, teaching them that quality is way better than quantity and if there is somebody out there that you got your eye on, that is really appealing to you and you believe you have a lot in common with that person, then pursue it. Pursue it's at a fucking wheels ball off. Pursue it, pursue it, pursue it because in my opinion, it's better to pursue one person of quality character. And you know, you guys Mesh and you got similar things in common, then to just go play that numbers game. But a lot of people play the numbers game because then we don't have to deal with the rejection, right, we don't have to deal with the failure, we don't have to deal with the heartache, because it lasts, it lasts a long time and it's really, really hard to get over. All right, we're sticking with the Beastie boys team...

...here. We got beastie boys, Paul Revere. Now Sin's a little story I got to tell about three bad brothers you know so well. It's suted way back in history with that Ras me. My had a little horseye names Paul Revere. To See in my whole see in a court of beer right across the land, kicking upstairshut us like this on my cumand one lonely beast Ip Whoa by myself without no box tea. The Sun is beating down on my baseball there is looking for a girl. I ran into a guy. His names MCA. I said Howdy, he said Hi. He told a little story. That's not it will rehearsed for these on the running that he's tying of thirst. The bruis in my hand and he was on my tips. His voice is sick and I guess some I said, you can't getting none, and it's just the run. The pull it a shot gun, quick on the draw. I thought I'd beat dead. PUT The gun to my head to kill. You know what. It is, time to get ill with the way up here myself. Yea Acepted to the windy had a Gunna had a Gran G pick this story. So, but it's ready to begin. I got the gun, you got the fool. You got two tresses of war to can do? It's not of the pocision, as you can see, how comploy you ade with you if you can get me to the port of the sheriffs after me for what I did through his daughter. I said it like this. I did it like that. I said it with the whippleball Bat. So I'm off the runs. The GOP got my gums and right about now it's gonna have some fun. The king had rocked, that is my name, and not know the flies pot champ crown for six hours. Then we hit the spot. The pet was a bumping and the girlies was hot. The suit was staring like you knows who we are. We should the ND the spot next to him at the bar and say that you know this kid. I said I think this, but I know he did the kids sa yet ready, because this ain't funny. Money is mighty and I'm about to get money fulled up. The show me. Hey, knit at the sky. Yeah, I'll do you all and let's do fly has when up and people hit the floor. He waits to do kids. The rent for the door. I'm mighty and I can't respect your fashion and jewelry. Is what I EXPEMCA was with it and he's my so I...

...got a player and punch them in the face. Sienna players out. The music soft this boy and he got dry. Grab the girls. Now back to dad's with Swag with your host Shaun up on some welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sean alfonsocom check out our episode on family bonding on a budget. A great way to bond is cooking together. At our house we love hello fresh. It comes straight to the door every week with easy to read and step by step directions. All the ingredients are premeasured. That makes it fun and fast, a great meal the whole family loves. Go to hello freshcom and use Promo Code Swag thirty to save thirty percent off your first order. That's swag thirty to get your thirty percent off. Stop. You can't let the devil win. You know the devil. Rejection is the devil's game. Man, it's his candy and you can't let them win. If you get rejected, pray for that person and then keep on keeping on. You know, you cannot let rejection ruine the rest of your day, rest of your week, rest of your life. I know for me, man or rejection, I held on and that Shit for a long time and rejection, plus being an introvert, it wasn't a good luck right, because I held on to it for a while and it took a long time to get over that and to be able to like say what's up to people. And I'm still like, if you ever see me in a starbucks or whatever. I still like don't really talk to people that often, but every now and then I will. Every now and then I will summon up the courage to say hi to a stranger while I'm having my morning coffee and reading my paper. You know, I remember one time, man, I was having my call fee and there was this...

...older lady, probably like in her late s early s, and she just sat down. There was no other seats in and the coffee shop, so she just sat down and cross from me and she's like there are no other seats in this place, so I'm going to sit down and talk to you. She didn't even give me the option and I'm like reading my newspaper. She didn't even give me the option of like what I like to converse. She just said, I'm sitting down and I'm talking to you, so of course I'll put my paper down. I had an amazing conversation. Now, yeah, I didn't know what went on in the news that day, but I learned a lot about her. You know, a lot about her her husband life, who is amazing. But how many times do you think that woman's been rejected in her life? But she don't care. What's the worst that was going to happen? I guess I'd continue to read my paper while she talked. Not. I don't know who would do that, though. You got to be an asshole. You'd have to have something really bad going on in your life. But then she's probably the type of woman that if you did that, she would just sit there praying the whole time, saying, man, this dude needs some blessings. Lord, bless him up. All right, this is our last song for the day, still from the license to ill album. Man, Beastie Boys. There was a time would a beast he boys was just Dagn it was everything. You know, there was everything. But here we go. Beastie boys, girls, girls. I want girls and in the morning and girls cousin the evening. And Girls. I like the way that they walk and it's chill. Make a smile. From my castle to the now. Back in the day runway we took a walk down to the I hope she'll say she said now I should have probably gets her guard. She away. That was the other day. Jack...

...and Mike D to my dismay. Good, clean up my room, do the LAUNDRE. That's all I really Yay now back to dad's with swag with your host Shaun Alf Onso. Welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sewan alfonsocom. Are you a dad that has no idea where to get the perfect birthday gift to that last minute birthday party your kid just told you about? Wife he's on a girl's trip and you need to find swaggy things to do with the kids. Make sure you go to the one stop shop made for Dad's by Dad's a z Dad'scom. Rejection is a crazy thing, man, but you just have to remember that God always accepts you. He loves you for who you are, and if somebody else is having a bad day, don't let that rub off on you. Right if you get rejected by somebody, or somebody rejects one of your opinions or one of your ideas or one of your advances. Don't let that get you down. Keep on keeping on. We can't let getting rejected a few times for a few things stopped the way we live, stop the dreams that we pursue, because if we stop living our life, if we stop living our life's purpose because we've been rejected a few times, then what kind of life is that? That's no life at all. Keep living. Don't fear rejection. We out. Thanks for listening to DAD's swag. Check...

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