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Dads With Swag
Dads With Swag

Episode · 4 years ago

Stress

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

dads with swag host Sean Alfonso talks all things stress. He gets into all the ways you can deal with and help overcome stress.  RXbar.com/swag

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. You're listening to dad's with Swag, where your coach Shawn has the tools to help you navigate some of life's ups and downs. Let's do it. Whether you're trying to balance work in life, going through a difficult time in marriage or trying to manifest that perfect mate, Shawn can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Loving husband and dadded two amazing girls. Your coach Shaun can help you Trin your dreams into goals and make them a reality. No more faking change. Is kind of start making change with the swaggy's out of them all. Your coach Seawan is yeah, welcome back to another episode of Dad's with Swag. We're coming to live from the swagist studios of all the dad's with Swag Studios. Hope everybody is having a great week. You guys can hit us up on all social media at your coach Sean. You can email me, Sean Shan alfonsocom. All our past episodes can be founded dad's with swagcom. Don't forget, hit us up on itunes and do me a favor. Rate who review subscribe to the show. We need all the love we can get from you, guys man, and we're still on the lookout for that one person who gave us a one star. I can't believe it. Right, a review. Tell me why I stink. But anyways, this week we're talking all things stress. Huh. It's the holiday season out here in America and stress is just hot right now. Right like the holiday season brings out the stress in us. Right, doesn't bring out the...

...best in us, it brings out the stress in us. Why is that? You know it. It's crazy, because it's supposed to be a time of year that's filled with love and laughter and enjoy but instead, man, is just it's filled with stress and anger. People mean Mug and everybody is bananas. So I'm going to talk some parental stress. I don't me. I have a challenge with this as well, right, because for me it's like a double edged sword. One I'm not a morning person, right, I'm not a morning person at all, and two kids like to drag their butt in the morning. Right. How come on the weekends or on no school days or during the summer, they can get up at the crack of dawn and they can do everything that they need to do, but on a school day they have to sleep in, they eat brakfast like a turtle, so slow they forget to brushtrate teeth, like everything is a whole process, right. So for me it's like a clash of the titans, because I'm not a morning person. But yet we got to get out of the house right because for me, I take both the girls to school and if I don't time it right, my youngest will be late for school because there's traffic and driving. You know how you know how it is. So it's like it's imperative that we get out of the house at a certain time. And sometimes, man, the stress gets to me, you know, and then you snap and you like get out of else, let's go, let's go, and then you feel bad and you're like, I'm sorry, daddy yelled, but come on, let's go. So how do we deal with this stress, you know, how do how do we deal with it? What are some tools we can learn that can help us better manage the stressful situations and maybe not get into them so easy? So I got a few things here that, you know, I use that help me and he stressful situations,...

...right, especially coming around to holidays, people coming to town, families coming to town, families coming over for meal times, things like that. You know, one of the things that helps me, and I've given this up long ago, is aiming for perfection. Right, the only person who's perfect is Jesus. I'm not Jesus. I can't be Jesus. So why do I assume I could be perfect? Right, I can't be perfect. He's the only one that's perfect. So you have to sometimes just sit back, relax and say hey, my best is going to have to do. I can't be perfect. I can't be perfect. My House can't look impeccable all the time. The meal isn't going to come out always at six o'clock. Sometimes it might come out at six hundred fifteen, sometimes it might be thirty right, but I'm doing my best and sometimes you have to remember that your best is good enough. Like if if you're trying, you're trying to get the kids out of the House on time, you're trying to get to the office on time, you're trying to make it the soccer practice on Tom you're trying to pick your kid up from dance on time. You know you're trying to get the meals done on time, you're trying to get the house looking on point, you're trying to take a shower before you got to go to some Christmas party. You know, it's like, I did my best, and sometimes we have to let ourselves know that that's okay. It doesn't always have to be perfect. The house doesn't have to be spotless. The meal doesn't have to come out on time. You know, you could mess up the gravy. It's gonna be okay. You know the kids get one tardy a year. It's going to be okay. So stop trying to aim for perfection, because none of us are going to be perfect. Right, we could never be perfect. It's impossible. Another thing that really helps me...

...out is trying not to take things personally. Right, back in the day, I used to always take it personal that the kids were late for school. Right, it's like something I could have done. I could have woke up earlier. The kids didn't listen to me because x, Y and Z. You know anything, it can be anything. Right, I'm stressed out because this person's driving slow in front of me because they want to Piss me off. Right. No, it actually has nothing to do about us. We're so egotistical. We think that everything has to be about us. Right, we think that it's all about us. Narcissism like up the WAZOO. It's not about us, right. Why do I why is it take my kid ten minutes to eat breakfast on a school morning, but it only takes her five minutes to eat breakfast on the weekend? I don't know. Maybe she's tired, maybe she don't feel like going to school. Maybe you know whatever I don't. You don't know what the answers are. Right, but it's definitely I know what the answer is. Not. I know for a fact that my daughter's not eating slow to Piss Dad off. Right, she's not eating slow to stress dad out. She's not eating slow to be late for school. Right. And as soon as we start realizing that, that that person is not driving slow in front of us to Piss us off, that the traffic accident that made the traffic jam didn't occur to just mess up our day. Right, it's not about us, it's not personal, it's not geared towards us. My daughter's not picking up her toys or cleaning up her room before company comes over to make me mad. Right, even though I've asked her five times and she still hasn't done it. She's not doing it to make me mad. She's in her own world, she's doing her own thing. There's probably a reason and up to her it's probably a very good reason, because she knows there's going to be consequences if she doesn't listen to Daddy. So for her it's a really good reason why she's not cleaning...

...up her room, even though I asked her to five times. But one of the reasons definitely isn't to Piss Dad off. Now, maybe that's going to change a little once the girls get like it. If you got teenagers right, or like kids are a little bit older, then yeah, there's probably instances where they're going to do stuff just to Piss off mom and dad. Right, but it's still even though they're doing stuff to Piss off mom and dad, it's still really about them. Right, they're fighting some inner demon, they're fighting some develop mental challenge that they're going through right now. Right their brains are all twisted in, their hormones or all raging, so deep down inside they're probably really not doing it. They're doing it for something else. They just don't know how to express that something else yet right. So it's not about us. We got to God, to God, to start stop taking things personally. It's just it's whack. It wastes too much time, it wastes too much energy and no one's got time for it. They really don't. So this week we're just going to do things a lot differently. I'm not going to be taken the musical commercial long commercial breaks like I've done in the past. This is going to be like a shorter episode, a quick listen, so people you know. I'm going to try to get this puppy under thirty minutes, so then people can just listen, get a quick little tips before you know they get back into the holiday season. We're so busy during these holidays that I not sure if all my listeners have an hour to dedicate to an episode. So we're you know, this is just going to be a shorter, little quick hit episode. Make sure you check out all our other episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Go to Itunes, rate review the show. Hit me up on social media at your coach, Sean Man, I got, I got. You know, I love, I love interacting with you guys on social media. It's pretty cool. I...

...got a message from cmbohne eighty six last week, man, telling me how much you know he's a new listener and how much he loved the show, and that just means so much to me, man, it really I love the fact that you guys care about this program in this platform, you know, for dad's by Dads, but we got a lot of moms out there to listening. So hit me up. I'd Love I love interacting with you guys and if you guys have any topics that you want, you know you want to hear about, hit me up, man. I'm always down to learn about new things and talk about new things. And if you ever want to be a guest on the show and talk about anything you want, hit me up, man. I'd love to have you as a guest. And if you can't make it into the Dazzle Swag Studio out here in Phoenix, Arizona, then we could always get you on the show via skype. There's, you know, this modern technology. There's all kinds of things we can do. I love to get back to charity. Sometimes I find it hard to just cut a big check. I get so busy with the wife and kids. I'm more of a set it and forget it kind of guy. That's why I love the Angel Club. I can pick the amount I want taken out of my checking account every month. I never see the money, so I never miss the money and I could always feel good knowing I'm giving back every month. If you want to join the Angel Club, just go to Pierce Family Foundationcom. Let's just get right back into this. Another thing you can do to help combat this holiday stress, this stress. And then it's not even just the holidays. For me, it could happen anytime at a school year right. It could happen anytime, even in the summer while traveling, like stress just POPs up. Another thing that I have to remember all the time is to play, right. I love to play. Just play anything. Play Board Games, go outside and play tag with the kids, play dress up, like I remember when the girls were so small, we used to play together all the time and I loved it. It made me so happy. Reminiscent of my childhood and there's something so stress relieving about laughter and children's laughter and having a childlike laughter. Right. When was the...

...last time you just laughed like you were six years old? It was probably been a long time, but we have to continue to do that. We have to remember to play with our kids. We have to remember to act like children again. Right, just because we're old and we got bills and we got responsibilities and we have all these things that we got to do, doesn't mean that we can't continue to play, laugh and enjoy life, right, because that's really what it's about. It's about enjoyment. This this life we have, is about living the best possible life we can, and life is a lot better when we're playing and we're laughing and we're having a good time. Right. I definitely know that, because all your burdens, all your stress, is all your worries, when you're in the middle of planing an intense kickball game, they go away, right, they go away. Well, that is until the kids start fighting or arguing about whether they're safe or out. Then all the stress comes back. But there's probably going to be a couple good innings in there, right, you're going to get a couple good innings. Or you're playing that game of monopoly and so you know one kid quits because they're almost out of money. That happens, but you'll get a couple good turns around the board. So play, be childlike. Be Childlike in your life. Another cool thing, and I haven't done this for a while now and I need to get back into it. Wife you man, she's been giving me the business put on a little holiday weight. Well, I put the holiday weight on a couple years ago and I've just kept that holiday weight on. But exercise, exercise is so important and I don't do it enough myself. So I'm you know, I'm my own worst enemy because I know these things in my brain and these things that I need to do in these things that I should do to live an even more blessed life than I have now, but sometimes I still don't do it right. I have all the knowledge, I have all the tools in my tool belt, but I still don't use them. So one that works really well is exercise. Exercise can help so much right because it allows you to release all...

...those endorphins, all that pent up energy and frustration. And it's not like the kind of energy you're thinking of, like Oh, I'm so exhausted, I've been working all day, I don't have the energy to do this, that or the other, right, but more like this pent up frustration energy. Right, it's kind of like a boiling pot, right, like you got that kettle on the on the on the stove and the waters boiling and then all of a sudden the whistle starts whistling, right, and after the whistles whistling and you still haven't gotten it because you halfway through that awesome season of like stranger things and you like, Oh, I just can't get to it, I can't get to it, I want to see this episode. I got to finish this episode. And then after it starts whistling for a while then like water starts spurting out of it, right, the steam in the water starts spurting out and then it starts bubbling over. Well, that's like us with stress and a emotions, right, if we don't do something to relieve that pressure, we're going to boil over. And I'm sure you can tell, right. I'm sure you can tell when you're at a place where you're about to boil over, right, where it's been so much and so hard and it's built up for so long that the steam comes out right in the morning the kids take too long to get ready, right, so boom, some steam comes out and you yell a little right, or you talking a stern voice, or you get angry, and then you're on your way to the office and somebody cut you off it in traffic, right. So now you bubble it up even more. And a little bit of that that. No, it's not just the whistle. Now the steam in the water, foamy waters coming out right, and then you get home from work and your wife says something and then boom, you explode, right, it just boils over because that's all you could have, it's all you could handle. But now, if you would have went and worked out, got some exercise in even in the morning, that would have brought that boil down the...

...like a stillness or even a simmer, right, and then when the kids aren't getting ready in the morning, it would have just been, you know, from a stillness to a simmer or from a simmer to a little little bubble. And then you got cut off, right, so it never would have escalated all the way to the boil over. And the same thing if you would have exercised after work, then you you're starting at a better foundation, right, so you're not getting to that boil over explosive energy. You know, you got to expel some of that energy. You got to let some of that pressure off and with exercise that's a great way to do it. It really is. Another great thing to do is to stay connected with others. Right, staying connected with others, being part of a tribe, part of a group, having some people that you can talk to things about and and women do an amazing job in this. There's probably like in any city at least like fifty mom's groups going on at any given time that you can join. I know it. DADS it's a little bit harder. You know it's a little bit harder to do that. I know here in Arizona we got a Z dadscom which is a great resource, and I know there's other places you know, and other states and cities in the US. But even if it's not a dad's group, even if it's just like you and some homies just like chopping it up, maybe going to play some pickup basketball, then you can have you know you're connecting with others while you're getting your exercise in. I know there's a lot of guys that you know play golf together or join softball teams or squash leagues or you know the list goes on and on and on. But find something you're interested in, go to meet UPCOM, find a meet up or group about it and then join them.

Stay connected with people, have somebody other than your wife and your kids and your co workers that you can talk about life with. You Know Me, I have an amazing, you know, small group Bible study that I host at my house on Mondays and you know, I stay connected with those people and it allows me an opportunity to recharge my batteries, it allows me an opportunity to just plug in with other people about a topic that's important to me and staying connected, you know, it's so important. Fine, find those friends, even if you guys just meet like once a month, you know, or a couple times a year or even and then maybe you're like, you know what, Sean, I'm extremely inverted. I'm not about to go meet some strangers that I don't know nothing about, get marked up like, you know, Yada, Yada, Yada. There's so many online parent forums, parent chat groups, like go on one of those and just like plug in, see what other parents are talking about. You know what other kids are asking for. It for Christmas is what are the hot birthday trans like, whatever it may be. Just stay connected and stay plugged in. With my family's busy schedule, we're always looking for healthy snacks. Are Go to snacks. Are Are xbars. They're high quality and made with real ingredients and a label. Even I can read enough about what's in our xbars. I really love what's not in them. No added sugar, no gluten, no soy, dairy or any of that bad crap. With Bell's crazy dance company schedule, I always make sure she has her favorite coconut chocolate ur Xbar and her dance bag for AVA mixed berries her go to school snack and they must have in her acting bag in case she gets hungry. Wife gets them at the Madison Improvement Club when she needs a little something, something before spin class. Check them out at target for yourself or go to our xbarcom forward Swag...

...and save twenty five percent once again. That's our xbarcom forward swag for your twenty five percent off. And I was just at fries the other day, man, and you know, I was doing some grocery shopping and I got hungry in the middle of my grocery shopping and I was walking down an aisle and I saw to our xbars right there. I like I might get one of these puppies. Grabbed me and r x bar just's eight it while I was shopping around, got rid of that angry feeling and then just get, you know, gave the lady to rapper. I'm like a thoughtis on the bill, but our xbars man hit them up. They're good family, Yummy, yummy. Another important strategy is relaxation, right. You can't just will stress away, you can't just be like stress, please, please, please, please, go away, because it's not going to write. You have to do something. You have to have stragedies, things that you can do that will really help our listen to music. For me, listening to music is like the a number one stress reliever. If I'm ever super stressed, I just go in my office. You know, I got a nice old school turntable. I throw on some blues, some jazz and I just chill and and listen to some music and the stress just melts away right and then even if I if I, if I'm not in the environment tour, I can have that set up. Man, I just throw my ear buds in though, something on the phone and whether it's like smooth jazz or Nwa like it just the music just melts the stress away. Another thing that I use all the time is this APP on my phone. It's called the insight timer and it's a meditation APP and I meditate every night, and the cool thing I like about this one is there's like a whole bunch. First of all, the number one thing I like about is it's free. Other than that,...

...there's all kinds of different meditations you can do and they're all time like. You can be like, all right, I'm having a really stressful time right now, I need two minutes to just decompress. Right, go to the bathroom, throwing some earbuds, take pick a two minute guided meditation and it'll be a two minute meditation right. Or say you got like you know you really have a lot of time and you want to do a longer one. They have fifteen minute, thirty minute, one hour like, and you could build it up. or You could even just put on this timer and you can say all right, timer set for forty five minutes, and then you could do your own meditation. It's not a guided meditation, and then when you're forty five minutes are up, it'll start playing this soft, you know, music or gongs or whatever, you pick, whatever sound you want to come out of it. So that's a cool APP because meditating really clears the mind. Right, exercise, release is all that extra energy, all that pent up bubbles, right, but meditation, man, really just puts everything at ease and at peace and it really allows you to step outside of yourself and see that this bs doesn't mean nothing. Right like this, the person that cut you off doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things, and it's that meditating that, you know, helps you really focus on and listen to God. You know, it's funny because the people ask me, right, because you know, everybody knows I love Jesus, right, he's my Homie, and people always ask me, you know, what's the difference between prayer and meditation? Right, because I do both. I usually pray in the morning and I meditate at night. And when people and I don't know if this is like the real answer or like if there's a biblical answer or whatnot, but this is the answer for me, this is how I define it for myself and for my life. Right when when I pray,...

...that's when I talk to Jesus, right. That's when I tell Jesus what's up, what's going on in my life, things that I'd like him to do for me or help me with, or challenges in my life that I'd like him to take over for me. And when I meditate, that's when I listened for his answers, right. That's when I listened for his guidance. That's when I listen to what he has to say to me. So when for my prayers, that's when I'm talking, and my meditating, that's when I'm listening, because it's got to be a two way conversation, right. Another cool thing you could do to have some of these relaxation strategies is writ in a journal. Right, keep a journal. For me, journaling doesn't really work because, excuse me, I'm not a good journalist, I don't like writing, I can't read my own writing. So to me, journaling doesn't really help much because it's just boring and I've never really enjoyed it. But for some people it helps a lot. They say adult coloring books really help destress you, and this kind of incorporates back to the play. I don't have any adult coloring but I don't even know what an adult coloring book is, but I know that my kids have coloring books and I know that I love coloring in them and I know that when I color in my kids coloring books I feel less stressed and I never really thought about that before until I was doing some research on this episode and I read about this adult coloring book stuff and I'm like hmm, all right, and then I started thinking. I'm like, you know what, every time I'm coloring I'm less stressed. When I'm at a restaurant and they got the kids menus and one of my kids isn't using their kids men use and I start coloring on it, I seem to be a lot less stressed at that dinner outing. Then I typically am reading. Now this one I do enjoy doing, you know. I try to do that. I'm on that like six books a year plan that I try to do. I know a lot of people are...

...like a book a month or a book a week, you know, but I couldn't. I try to do a book, a book a month many, many years ago and it just didn't work out. So that what I did was I did a book a quarter and then now I've jumped that up. So basically, six books of years what I do now, and I like reading. I stink at it and I forget a lot of things that I read, but I really enjoy it. I enjoyed this carving out that time that's just for me, right, those moments that are just for me, that I can sit down, you know, poor glass suburban and get into a good book. Another thing you could do is take a walk, right, walking around the block, walking around your house, like just going out for a nice walk, get some fresh air, going to backyard, walk around, you know, just get out there and get some fresh air and just get your blood flowing and your body moving. That's another great way to relieve a lot of stress. And some people people say plant a garden. Now I want to get into this gardening business right. I want to. I want to see what this is all about. I don't know if I'd be a good gardener, but wifey and I here have you know, there's a part of the house where we're like man, we should plant like an outside box gardens and stuff like that, like raised bed gardens, and my and wife he's got this buddy, you know, that's what he does for a living and stuff. So we had him come over but man, it seems like a lot of work. I don't know if it would alleviate stress in my life or add stress to my life. I'm not sure yet, but a lot of people say that gardening release relieves a lot of stress, and I know my grandma man, she used to love to garden and she had her rose bushes and like all of her gardens and stuff like that, and I'd love to have some rose bushes out here in Arizona and have some nice gardens and stuff like that. I just I don't know if I have the patients to tend to a garden right but maybe with time and with age and you know, you gain more of that patience, but right now...

I don't know if the gardens for me. However, I do think it'd be dope to be able to plant some stuff in a garden then go back a couple months later and then eat that stuff that you just planted, like chopping me all up out of it, like being some pots and just make it happen. I think that'd be pretty cool and I'd like to plant some roses because I did always enjoy grandma teas roses. I think that'd be kind of cool to in memory of her. Now this one, I'm saying I'm kind of saving the best for last. Right, I'm kind of saving the best for last because sometimes the stress just gets so big and so unmanageable and you know, you're probably at the point of the episode where you're like, dude, no amount of exercise is going to alleviate my stress. No amount of exercise is going to alleviate, you know, the stress of living pay check to paycheck, or the fact that my electricity just got shut off or the effect that you know, I'm I'm behind on my mortgage, or I didn't get that job I wanted, or my kids are, you know, buck crazy, or me and wife, he's fighting. No amount of connecting with others is going to help any of that stuff. No, no amount of reading or doing yoga or meditating or praying is going to do that. Right your you might be at that level and you're like, none of that Shit you've been talking about is going to help with my stress, with this stress, because this is the most stressful of stresses that stress has ever seen. There's not even a stress test that can measure the amount of stress I got going on right now. Sean, right, that's what you might be thinking. So what I would suggest for you is to ask for help. Just ask for help right. Ask for help. Go see a professional, whether that's a therapist, whether that's a life coach, whether you know it's anybody that deals with stress in a professional manner. Like go ask for some help and sit down and talk to somebody and if you can't find somebody to talk to, hit me up. I'd be more and happy to talk with...

...you right because if you're at that level where you're calling bs on all these other things that I've listed and you're saying there's no way that any of that stuff can help with my stress, because my stress is the ultimate stress, then you need to get some help. You need to get some professional help, and it's ain't a joke. I'm not clowning on you, because mental health is probably the most important thing in the entire world and if everybody had a stronger sense of mental health, this world would be a much better place. And it doesn't cost money. Don't be like, Oh, I'm broke as a joke, because there's a lot of people out there that will listen to you and help you for free. I will listen to you and help you for free. There's clergy people out there that will listen to you and help you for free, right. And I don't know about a lot of therapists and stuff like that, but I would probably be like eighty percent sure that, if you was really in a pickle and you went to a therapist and you're like look, all I need is fifteen minutes of your time, because this is how low I am, that they'd be willing to listen for fifteen minutes. So ask for help, but you got to get off your ass and you got to go make the ask. Right. You can't just sit there in your living room, in your office, in your car, wherever you're at, listening to this show and talk about how bad things are if you're not willing to take some action, if you're not willing to get off your butt and go ask for the help, or if you're not willing to get off your butt and do to exercise or get on your butt and do some meditation. But if it's gotten so bad that none of those things are going to work, then you got to go ask for the help, but you got to do it right, or you can just continue to live in a stress life, this life that's constant stress, constant boil over, constant short fuse. Right, if you and there's some people that say which I like, it amazes me because there's a lot of people out there that say they enjoy living in that stressful time, not stressful part of life.

They say, Oh, I accomplish so much more, Oh, I'm so much more productive when I'm stressed. Oh, I do think so much faster when I wait till the last minute and I'm stressed out about it. Yeah, you might do things faster, but you're not going to do them better and you're not going to have as much enjoyment and then the end result isn't going to be as good and you're probably not going to be as happy with the experience as if you distressed a little. Right, distressed, come back in, get back inside yourself. This life is meant to be enjoyed. Let's make sure we enjoy it. Enjoy it with each other, enjoy with our friends. Our families are communities. Get out there and exercise, play with your kids' stop taking shit personally, because it's not about you and nobody can be perfect. But Jesus himself. So just get out there and do your best. We out. Thanks for listening to DAD's sweat. Check out new episodes every Thursday or go to dad's for swagcom download past episodes.

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