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Dads With Swag
Dads With Swag

Episode · 3 years ago

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

  Sean talks about his challenges when asking for help. And a few things you can do to make asking for help a lot easier. TakeCareOf.com promo code SWAG for 25% off your first month greenchef.us/swag  for $50 off your first box  

You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. You're listening to dad's with Swag, where your coach Shawn has the tools to help you navigate some of life's ups and downs. Let's do it. Whether you're trying to balance work in life, going through a difficult time in marriage or trying to manifest that perfect mate, Shaun can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Loving husband and dadded two amazing girls. Your coach Shaun can help you Trin your dreams into goals and make them a reality. No more faking change. Is kind of start making change with the swaggy's out of them all. Your coach Seawan. What is up? Welcome back to another great episode of Dad's with Swag. We coming at you live from the swaggiest studio of all the brand new DAD's. WOULD SWAG STUDIOS CHECK IT OUT? I'm really thankful for everyone that's tuning in to the show, whether you guys are traveling on an airplane, bus car ride, just tuning in on your commute to work, whether you like to listen to Dad's with swag while you laying in bed with some earbuds in, maybe wife he's watching the Kardashians or something. I don't care how you tune it in, but I'm thankful that you're all tuned it in. I really appreciate it. Much love from the bottom of my heart. This week we're talking all things help. How do you ask for help? I recently asked for help. It was hard. It was really, really hard. It's really hard to ask for help. Now say, I'm gonna give you a little bit of backstory. My mom was a single mom for a long time, right. And then I had a Stepdad and dude was in and out of prison, not around all the time, and I was left eat my mom. My mom was a single mom. She did an amazing job. She did an amazing, amazing job, the best that she could do, and she had some mental issues. She had to deal with some demons and crosses that she had to bear, but she tried her best, right, and there's no playbook and there's no guarantee when you become a parent. And then I had a little brother and we know, we're eight years apart, and there was a period in our in our life, when I had to step up to the plate, you know, and I had to I had to take care of my baby brother because, you know, my mom was in the hospital and pops was in jail. And the crazy thing about it is, now that I look back on it, I had in a tremendous tribe. My mom surrounded my brother and I with this tremendous tribe, right, this tremendous tribe of people that were there to help in case shit hit the fan. Right, I had ants and I had uncle's and I had grandparents and I had my biological dad and I had those grandparents and those aunts and uncle's, right, and then I had all my mom's friends and her work friends and, you know, her high school friends and her longtime friends, people that we called Auntie and uncle, but even though there wasn't even related, right, we had this huge tribe and all I needed to do to relieve some of the stress off of my back was to ask for a little help, all right, but I never did. I never did. I would ride, I'd drive my bicycle down to the grocery store, I don't know, a couple miles away, and I'd buy groceries, right. And back in the day you could buy groceries with checks and I didn't even know how to balance a check book. Thank God, God, God blessed me that my mom always had enough money in the account when I needed to write a check. I don't know how that money got there, but as far as I know, a...

...check never bounced. So I'd write. I take the check book down to the grocery store. By groceries four bags. I can only get four bags of groceries at a time because I can only balance two bags of groceries on my handlebars right at a time, because anymore than that and I tip over. It'd be too much weight. So I can only get four bags of groceries at a time, unless I was getting milk. Now I fas getting milk. I can only get two bags of groceries because I'd have to have the bag of milk on one side and the other. Three bags of groceries I can get because I'd have two bags of groceries on one side and the bag of milk on the other side. Right Gallon of milk. But I could ask for help. I could asked an aunt, uncle's, all kinds of people for help, but I was afraid. I was afraid to ask for help one I thought it would make my mama look bad to I thought maybe my brother and I would end up like in foster care something and get split up three. I was ashamed, right, that I had this like this, this shame deep inside my body that I didn't even know was there until like years and years after and a whole hell of a lot of therapy, but I had this shame of asking for help. Made me feel weak. I could handle this shit right. So I would ride my bike all the way to the grocery store. I would take my brother. So then when I was in middle school, I would take my brother, I would dry and I'd always get Tardi's in middle school right. And I'm sure I don't even know if any of my teachers knew what was going on or knew while I was late to school. I have no idea. Like I look at that moment in time, I thought I had my shit together, right, I had. I thought I had all my stories together, all my lies ready to be told right to get me through the day. But now that I look at kids and I got kids in my own and I'm an adult, like a grownup cantel when a kids lying right, I wonder if, like those teachers knew they did it might not have known exactly what was going on in my home life and I don't know how much shit made the papers or how much was, you know, town gossip. I don't know how much about it made it to the teachers at the school, but I guarantee you that some of them, teachers, they had to have known something was going on. Right, I would get to school like an hour late every day, you know, and it wasn't because the irresponsibility, it wasn't because of sleeping in, it was because I had to walk my baby brother to school every day. I had to make us lunch in the morning, walk them to school, make sure that he got to school okay, and then once he was safe and secured a school then I would go to school right and have to walk to school or take a couple buses to get there. So I was always late right and then in high school it was kind of like the same thing all over again. But I remember like in middle school, which is kind of weird because my oldest daughter's in middle school right now and I couldn't imagine her having to take care of my youngest daughter and not knowing that help was available. Would she ask for help? I don't know right. It's bananas, like. Why didn't I ask for help? And then I was going through some Shit, you know, recently, and the resources are there, right, the resources for me were there. They're there, they're right out in front of me. The resources are right out in front of me, but at no time did I ever think to ask for the help. Right, and the way this, this worked out for me, right, because God's got a plan for your life. I'm on a firm believer in that. And the way that this worked out for me is that the help was offered to me and then I accepted it. Right, but I could have saved months and months and months of agony and stress...

...and angst if I would have just asked for help from jump, like a few months ago. I could have, you know, went to this person and said, Yo, I need a little help. Can you help me? And of course the answer would have been yes, because when I didn't even ask for this help for the certain situation, the person can tell that I was anxious and that I was stressed about something in that there's something going on in my life that I needed helpful, I needed help with. So they offered it. They offered the help but I didn't ask for it. So that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about like, how come it so hard to ask for help? And then there's a whole nother demographic of people out there where it's super easy. Right, it's super easy for them to ask for help. They're always asking for help. Right, Hey, can you help me move this couch? Hey, can you help me get a job? Hey, can you take my kid here? Hey, can you take my kid there? You know, can you? Can you do this for me? Can you do that for me? They can ask for help all the time. Right. How come it so easy for them? What were their life circumstances that made it so easy for them to ask for help? But then yet there's a whole nether demographical whole nother population of people were it's so impossible for them to ask for help. And the people that always ask for help. Are Those the same people that are willing to help no matter what because they've been helped out so much? Or those the type of people that, when you ask them, when you finally break down and you ask them for help, because that you done, you know, taking their kid to tea ball practice, forty two times in the last three years and this one time you need your kid taking a tea ball practice, so you call them up and they say, oh, sorry, I can't do it. I don't know. I I haven't looked into that, but I know that everybody, most everybody that I've come in contact with that's afraid or has resistance to asking for help are always the first people to help out. They're always the first people to raise their hand when chairs need to be stacked. They're always the first parent to be like, Yo, I got you, I could take your kids to that event, I could help out in the classroom, I could do this, I could stay late at work, I could help out with that presentation. Right, they're always the first ones. So That's interesting to me as well. But what is it? What is it that holds us back? Is it something like that's ingrained in us? Is it? Is it something that God has put into us from jump? Is it a product of our childhood and maybe the way we grew up? Maybe, you know, you know they say, like you know, back in the day they used to say men never stop and ask for directions. Right, that that that saying is going to go out the window because everybody got, you know, Google maps nowadays, right, so you know that that's not even going to work no more. But they used to say men, men wouldn't pull over and ask for directions. Right, Oh, we know we going, we don't need no help. So is it more of like a male female thing, like our females are women? Are they more prone to ask for help? In men we don't ask for help that much. I'm not sure it. You know that. There's a lot of research that shows things in different ways. So I want, you know, I want to ask my listeners. Hit me up on social media, at your coach Sean, you know, hit me up on twitter, instagram, send me a direct message or whatever, and let...

...me know what your thoughts are like. Do you ask for help? Do you have the ability to ask people for help when you need help, when you coming up against something and you need a you need a little help, you know, maybe you're looking for a new job and you ask people for help? Or are you the type of person like me that man, it doesn't matter. I could be up against it, I could be up against it and I will not reach out for help. I won't do it. I won't even ask somebody. You know how people will be like, Yo, come help me move and I'll buy the beer and pizza. I will hire a moving company or I will do it all myself before I ask for help. It's crazy, man. Are there any other dudes out there, any other swaggy dad's out there like me who just refuse, no matter what, to ask for help? But yet I'm always willing to help out. We going to take a quick little break and then we're going to get right back into this when we get back, man, right back into this hell. We need it, but how come we cannot ask for it? Now? That to dad's with swag with your host shown up on some welcome back to dad's with swag. Check us out on itunes and please subscribe, rate and review the show. We need all the love we can get. You can find all our past episodes on Dad's with swagcom. Follow us on social media at your coach, Shawn, and if you have any questions or show ideas or you want to come on the show, email me at Sewan at Sean alfonsocom. You know, being a swaggy dad requires a lot of maintenance, personal health maintenance, hitting the gym, getting your hair. Did you know all this stuff that keeps you swagged out? Other than just buying a fresh pair of kicks? The easiest way for me to keep my physique and my health on point is care of. Now check it out. Care of is a monthly subscription vitamin service that delivers completely personalized vitamin and supplement packs right to your door. All you got to do is take a quiz. But now, hold up, hold up. I know people don't like taking quizzes, you don't like taking tests, but let me tell you this. This is the easiest test I've ever taken. Easiest quiz by far. I know I got a hundred percent, probably the only test I've ever gotten a hundred percent on. You know why? I know why how I got a hundred percent, because it's all about me. Care of fun online quiz asks you about your diet, your health goals and lifestyle choices. It only takes five minutes to find out what vitamins and supplements you specifically need. Then your vitamins get delivered right to your door and a personalized, easy to remember daily pack, perfect for busy on the go lifestyles. I have my box right next to my toothpreson toothpaste. Every morning I wake up, brush the grill, grip open a new pack and take it down. And now check it out, wife. He's going to get some too, and you would think, hey, you guys might mix up your packs, but nope, because your name is printed on every pack. And, like I said, wife and I we're thinking about possibly having another kid, and care of offers pre and post natal supplements, with the companying research to help mothers and babies alike stay there healthiest. What's easier than that? You don't have to go to the store, you don't have to go shopping or ask some pimply faced kid what kind of you know, vitamins and minerals you should be taken. It's all done for you on line, in the comfort of your own home, and less than five minutes and the package shows upright to your front door. I'm telling you, the easiest thing I've ever done. And once again we have...

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...people are always willing to help out right, they're always willing to help out. There's just a group of people that necessarily don't like asking for help. But if somebody asked me for help, I'm always down to help him out. If you got a prom you need to talk about it, hit me up on social media. I'll help you out best I can. You know you don't. Another reason people don't like asking for help is they got a fear of rejection. Right, you don't want to feel rejected. And I know I had talked about this in other episodes where people don't like to say Hi to other people in public, like say what's up to a stranger or talk to a stranger and ask him how to our day is going right, because we're afraid that we're going to get rejected. We're afraid that we're going to say what's up at the starbucks and the person isn't going to say what's up back and and I've posed this challenge before and I'm going to pose it again. I'm going to give you guys this challenge again, because it works wonders. It's amazing. I love it. When I do it, it works great and I've had so much positive feedback that people are like, oh my gosh, this is like changed my daytoday, interaction with people. I challenge all my listeners out there for ten days, three times a day, smile and say hello to a stranger and keep track of how many people smile and say hello back. Right now, be careful, fellas out there. Right, be careful, because now I shouldn't even have to say this. Right, I shouldn't even have to say this, but I got to don't make it a creepy ass smile, like trying to flirt, making a nice, normal hello. How do you do? Right, don't make it awkward, because that's different. And then, and also, like, make sure you like or an equal opportunity high person. Don't just go after like the shorty you've been staring at at the gym for like three months and now you're like a coach. Sean told me to say hi. She's going to be the first high I say today and you like waiting for her outside the girls locker room right. No, like in the morning, the first person you see at the office, smile and say hello to you know, when you drop your kids off at school, if there's a parent you've never seen before, smile and say hello. If you're going to pick up some coffee, smile and say hello. Doesn't matter, looks, religion, race, I don't care. I don't care. The first person you see, you know, you going out to get lunch, smile and say hello. And Ladies, I know that sometimes when you smile and say hello to a gentleman, you know it gives a wrong impression of that dude and they think that's the open door to like come at you and Hala and be like Yo, you interested in me? No, but I was just saying I so, then don't say how do we do? Say how to other ladies. Say how to older guys, you know, say how to old men. Old Men, they man. You'd make a old man's Day if you sell what's up, and I guarantee you they going to say hi bag. Or just save it, you know, if you're if you're worried about that and you're worried about a guy thinking that you coming on to him or getting attention you don't want, then just save it for ladies. But try that and see how much better your day goes. Right, see how much better these little conversations can start up right and before you know it, why, you're typically just waiting in line to get your coffee every morning playing on your phone. Now you've had a two minute conversation with somebody and it's really going to make the...

...rest of your day that much better, I guarantee it. Don't let that fear of rejection hold you back from asking for help. Don't let it do it, because, yeah, you're going to get rejected sometimes, but if you don't ask you don't know. I go to a lot of charity events and there's a there's one auctioneer out there. I can't remember her name off the top of my head, but she always said every charity event she's always at at she'll be like, you know, if they do like a cash call or something like that, she'll always be like, is there anybody who's willing to donate a million dollars? Right, and people are looking at her like no, you know, maybe five hundred bucks, a thousand bucks, five thousand bucks, but a mill like, come on, got to have deep pockets. You just dropping a millie at a charity event? That or they booze you up pretty good, because most of the time, if you make a th those kind of contributions, it's like planned giving, right, and you've contacted the organization in advance and you've made a plan on how to give this money. Uh, but then she always follows it up with if I don't ask, I don't know right, because there might be that one day, that one night, that one time when somebody in the audience has never heard of this organization before and they ready to drop a millie, but they might settle for Twentyzero, because nobody ever ask them if they're willing to donate a million. If you don't ask, you don't know. So don't worry about that rejection. Another reason, they say people don't like to ask for help it is because they feel they got it too good. Right, we already by being born in the United States and by having a refrigerator in our house that has power to it and cold food, we're already to top, I think, like fifteen percent in the world or twenty percent in the world. Right, if you have a refrigerator in your house, you're already the top twenty percent in the world, because there's a lot of people out there, millions of people out there, who don't even have a refrigerator, let alone running water or indoor plumbing. Right. So they think we I got it too good. I got it too good. I can't be asking people for help. You know, and I know I fall into this trap to I got it too good. I could afford to pay a mover. I'm not going to ask somebody to come help me move this couch. I could afford a housekeeper. I'm not going to ask somebody to come help me keep my house. Help me you know, do this or do that? Help me lay some tile or change a toilet? I don't know, but you we think we got it too good, so we don't deserve the help, right. Oh, why is that? Dude? Need help? You don't need no damn help. Why does she need help? She's got it made in the shade. Don't let that hold you back. You got we got to stop comparing ourselves to others, both positively and negatively. Right. We got to just stay in our lane and live our life and not worry about what's going on in other people's lives or what's going on with them. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to put yourself out there and let somebody know, whether it's a friend or relative, that you need help with x, Y and Z. I need help. I believe you have the resources or the skill set or the God given talent to help me with this and I can use some help and then see how it goes. I guarantee you nine times out of ten that person is going to be honored,...

...honored that you came to them and asked for help. And it could be easy. Like Yo, me and my family are going through it. You know a family member just got diagnosed with a disease, or my husband's not feeling well, or I just lost my job. Can You pray for me? Can you pray for me and my family? Right? It could be something as easy as that. You know, it doesn't have to be something big like Yo, can you hook me up with a jail beer? Yeah, my kidneys, or recommendation to get into this college. Or Hey, I know that you know somebody you know who plays on that professional sports team. Can you get me some free tickets? Or Hey, I need help with my car payment this month. You know, it doesn't have to be big shit like that. It could be little stuff like a you know, my grandmother's not feeling well. Can You pray for her? But it's okay to ask for help. It doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean you're less than it doesn't mean that your inferior. And I'm telling you, man, people love to help people out and flip the script. Flip the script, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself for to help. And what would your answer be? Right, it probably be. Of course I'd help you out and you would probably feel honored that that person thought enough of you to come to you, reach out to you and ask you for help. So the next time somebody asks you for help, I want you to think long and hard and answer with yes if it's feasible. And the next time you need help, I want you to reach out to some people, even if it's me, and I want you to ask for help. We out. Thanks for listening to DAD's swag. Check out new episodes every Thursday or go to dad's with swagcom. Download past episodes.

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